Saffa Gists III

I was feeling quite cold so I walked into a cafe to buy coffeee.....
Voice 1: (loudly) Nooooooo! Noooooooo!
Voice 2: You f**king bitch!
It was a friendly gay couple from my last office.
I'll identify them by the first two letters of their names: Ke and Aa.
Me: Oh Noooo! I can't believe my eyes, I must be dreaming!
Ke: No, you're not you silly cow
Me: Shut up and give me a hug
So we hugged and kissed cheeks: Muah, Muah and sat down for coffee and cappuccino.
Aa was fired from work for going AWOL, so Ke resigned in protest.
Ke's currently working freelance with Sky Broadcasting while Aa's unemployed and on benefits.
They were in Saffa on holiday and staying with another gay couple in Joburg.
I told them I had gotten married and I was in SA with my hubby and we were staying in the company's guesthouse in Johannesburg.
Ke: Did you marry a fit bloke?
Me: Of course
Ke: Do you think he'll f**k me?
Me: Shut up and don't be rude
Ke: Just joking...
Aa: Can we visit and get drunk? This place is fucking expensive and I'm f**king broke.
Me: Aa, you're always broke! You better sort yourself out. Have you guys done any shopping? I've just seen some jewelery and I was almost tempted to spend a fortune.
Ke: Us 'girrrrls' haven't done any shopping and honestly, I can't be bothered with shopping. I just want to have fun, do lots of sight-seeing and have a relaxing holiday.
Aa: Me too. I'll buy a couple of souvenirs though.
Ke: Yeah. Just souvenirs. I shop every f**king day in the UK. I'm not hauling f**king shopping bags around during my f**king holiday.
Me: So what have you been doing?
Aa: We went to SunCity every fu*king day during our first week and got super broke.
Ke: And we've been to.......(Lists off about a dozen or so tourist spots) And then we're off to The Lion Park tomorrow to roar the fuck out of their f**king lions. I'm going to see a real life cheetah for the first time in my f**king life. If I am reincarnated, I've got to be a f**king cheetah.
Aa: I'll have to be a rhino.
Ke: Fucking hell....
Aa:Stop swearing Ke, y'know Coppie's (abbreviates my real name) posh and she hates swearing.
Me: (sigh) So when are you returning to the UK?
Ke: Next weekend.
Me: Do you have to prebook a ticket to see the lions?
Ke: We don't have prebooked tickets. Do u want to hang out with us?
Me: Okay.....


So we made arrangements to meet @ 11am, the next day @ The Square.
I gisted hubby about my day out and arrangements for the next day.
He advised me to be careful with the 'gay bastards'
I assured him they were nice and harmless and we were quite close back in the UK.
The next morning, Mrs VWX asked if I was going anywhere, so I told her I was going to The Lion Park with friends from the UK.
She asked if I was driving but I said I wasn't familiar with the road network and I was going by public transport.
Surprisingly, she said she'll go with me.
Ke and Aa turned up with the other gay couple.
When I introduced Mrs VWX to my gay friends, she was very unfriendly and won't even accept a handshake.
She muttered condescendingly in pidgin: Which kind people be this? You know tell me say na this type people you dey waka with. Abeg, when you dey come back. I no go again, I no fit dey waka with this kind people. I go just look around here and wait for you. (grumbling, grumbling)
So we left her but Ke didn't let it go.
Ke: Fucking bitch! She's so f**king rude!!! That's f**king discrimination....
Me: Hush, hush....

We left for The Lion Park and soon forgot about her.
As we drove through the park, I saw many animals including lions and jackals at very close range and I sat down quietly, tense with fear and praying quietly.
My friends were excited and asking questions and snapping away.
When Ke and Aa entered a 'secure area' where they actually felt and took pictures with baby hyenas, lion cubs and other animals, the Nigerian in me, wasn't that adventurous despite many assurances......
Mmmmmh, I don't want an obituary titled: Eaten by lions and other wild animals.....
Our guide pointed out different animals, some I've never even heard of.
I loved the zebra most.
I used to think girraffes were graceful but up close, they are quite ugly???
Ke squealed like he was having sex when we saw the cheetahs and asked if we could get as close as possible.
He won't shut up even when the guide told him to keep it quiet so as not to startle the animals.


In all, I learnt holidays shouldn't always be about shopping till I drop and that I must ALWAYS research before going sightseeing.
I honestly didn't know we were going to drive through a park filled with wild animals (safari style).
You see, I thought the animals would be caged.
I doubt Mrs VWX woulda enjoyed herself......
She found her way back to the guesthouse and I didn't see her stepping out of that guest house till I left SA.
I arranged to meet Ke and Aa the next day for a trip to 'Gold Reef City'
Hubby laughed so hard when I told him about introducing Mrs VWX(now nicknamed "madam") to my friends