A friend called last week to inform me of her upcoming wedding.
She wore my aso-ebi so automatically, I've got to wear hers.
Anyway, I've noticed that everytime I send Mr P out with my car, he comes back with an empty tank.
His Excuse? Traffic! Traffic!! Traffic!!!
So anytime I need him to run errands for me, I send him off with Public Transport.
As I was not going out yesterday, I gave him the aso-ebi money to take to my friend's place on the Mainland.
He didn't get there till late and my friend had gone to her fiance's so I instructed him to go to her office first thing this morning.
I got a call at about 4.00pm today
Caller: Please am I speaking to Mrs XYZ?
Me: Yes
Caller: I am Mr P's friend. Please have you seen Mr P today? He left home since morning and said he was coming to see you to inform you about an incident that occurred yesterday.
Me: I have not seen him
Caller: Actually, he was robbed at gunpoint yesterday on his way home from an errand you sent him. The robbers took the money he had with him including some money you gave to him. They took his phones and his bank cards too. He has been trying to borrow money so he can return your money.
Me: What is your name?
Caller: My name? My name is....Mr P.
Me: Who are you? And how did you get my number?
Caller: I'm Akin, Mr P's mother's brother and your number has been stored on my phone since Mr P started working with you.
Me: If you have my number and you can call me, how come you couldn't advise Mr P to call me? And if this incident happened yesterday, how come I am just hearing now?
Caller: I'm calling you now because we are now looking for Mr P. He's missing
Me: I've not seen him but if he comes here, I'll let you know
I called hubby immediately to let him know what happened and he told me to relax and not panic.
At about 7pm, my doorbell rang, it was Mr P.
I just absolutely lost it and told him off.
What was the point in him coming that late and wearing a pretentious face when all he had to do was call me to let me know what happened and at least let me know if he was alright.
His story was full of contradictions and I reckon there's something fishy.
He said the caller was actually his father's elder brother and his name was Mr Akin P.
His father had called Mr P this morning to ask him for a loan to pay back my stolen money.
So I called Mr Akin P back and put him on speaker phone.
I asked if he had seen Mr P yet.
He said no.
I asked if he was Mr P's friend or relative.
He said: Mr P's mummy na my mama's last born.
I: Please can you give me your sister's number
He: I don't know it
I: Her husband's number?
He: I don't know it
I thanked him and hung up.
Mr P was dumbfounded and at least he looked ashamed.
What do you reckon peeps?
I know there's something fishy going on.
I know people get robbed in Lagos all the time & I think there's a possibility he was robbed.
There's also a possibility he was not robbed because there were too many loopholes in the two stories.
Well, I am not bothered.
I wont be trusting him with my money anymore though.
Do u reckon that's judgemental?
My life is becoming one big drama....
Wednesday 30 May 2007
Identity Swap......Please!
I got a very upsetting call last night from a cousin in the UK.
Here goes:
Cousin: Hello. Long time. Congrats on your wedding oh & sorry we couldn’t make it.
Me: Oh thanks. How are you doing too.
Cousin: (sighs) Honestly, not too good oh.
Me: Awwwwww! Do you wanna talk about it?
Cousin: Well…….that’s why I am calling you. I have thought about it and I think you are my only hope.
Me: Okay?
Cousin: Things haven’t been going well and I am at that point where I am totally fed up. I have been renewing my student visa for the past four and a half years and using all of my savings to study. My application for a visa renewal has just been rejected and I have been given till July to leave the country.
Me: Don’t be discouraged, no knowledge gained is wasted (I know I heard that somewhere). I am sure you'll be a hot cake in Nigeria with all your qualifications.
Cousin: So they say, but you've been back home five months and you are not even working yet.
Me: I'm hoping to start work in August. Honestly, I only applied to two companies and I have attended several interviews with both.
Cousin: But you know Nigeria.
Me: Nigeria has changed a lot. I assure you, there's been a lot of changes.
Cousin: See, you had good jobs while you were here because you are a citizen but I've been working mainly in retail since I came here.
Silence
Me: So how can I help?
Cousin: Please, I am begging you. Please. I am desperate. If I leave this country now, I won't have anything to show when I get home.
Me: Okay, how can I help? (I'm thinking she most likely wants to borrow some money and hoping she won't ask for too much)
Cousin: Can you send me your Passport & NI. I'll just register with a few job agencies and send it back.......just for one year. I promise, just a year.
Silence
Wow! Wow! Wow! That was completely unexpected and I am dumbfounded.
Cousin: Hello? Hello?
Me: ...I....am ......here
Cousin: Copido please, I am begging you, please
Me: But that's...........fraudulent, you know what I mean?
Cousin: Please, the only alternative now is to go into an arranged marriage
Me: I don't think I can do it, honestly I can't. Anything can happen.
Cousin: I swear, nothing will happen. I can even be paying you part of my monthly salary.
Me: It's not about money. It's my identity, my life!
Cousin: Copido please now, please. People do it
Me: I am sorry, I can't do it.
Cousin: Copido Why? You don't need this thing, you don't need it.
Me: Are you saying I don't need my identity? If you are impersonating me and you get into police trouble, I am the one that would be implicated. With my passport, you can open a bank account, have access to a loan and other credit services and you can ruin my credit history or bankrupt me. I think you should come home. Nigeria needs......
Bang! She slammed the phone.
Her sister and her mum have since called me to 'beg me' to loan her my identity for just one year.
This silly gal, I told her to venture out of retail but all she ever did was work in clothes and cosmetics shops so she could get staff discounts.
I don't think she understands the implication of she's asking?
Or maybe she thinks I'm a dumbass and wants to do some identity fraud.
Peeps, what do you reckon?
I am not giving this any second thoughts.
And I don't care if they never talk to me again.
*Hiss*
End of!!!!
Here goes:
Cousin: Hello. Long time. Congrats on your wedding oh & sorry we couldn’t make it.
Me: Oh thanks. How are you doing too.
Cousin: (sighs) Honestly, not too good oh.
Me: Awwwwww! Do you wanna talk about it?
Cousin: Well…….that’s why I am calling you. I have thought about it and I think you are my only hope.
Me: Okay?
Cousin: Things haven’t been going well and I am at that point where I am totally fed up. I have been renewing my student visa for the past four and a half years and using all of my savings to study. My application for a visa renewal has just been rejected and I have been given till July to leave the country.
Me: Don’t be discouraged, no knowledge gained is wasted (I know I heard that somewhere). I am sure you'll be a hot cake in Nigeria with all your qualifications.
Cousin: So they say, but you've been back home five months and you are not even working yet.
Me: I'm hoping to start work in August. Honestly, I only applied to two companies and I have attended several interviews with both.
Cousin: But you know Nigeria.
Me: Nigeria has changed a lot. I assure you, there's been a lot of changes.
Cousin: See, you had good jobs while you were here because you are a citizen but I've been working mainly in retail since I came here.
Silence
Me: So how can I help?
Cousin: Please, I am begging you. Please. I am desperate. If I leave this country now, I won't have anything to show when I get home.
Me: Okay, how can I help? (I'm thinking she most likely wants to borrow some money and hoping she won't ask for too much)
Cousin: Can you send me your Passport & NI. I'll just register with a few job agencies and send it back.......just for one year. I promise, just a year.
Silence
Wow! Wow! Wow! That was completely unexpected and I am dumbfounded.
Cousin: Hello? Hello?
Me: ...I....am ......here
Cousin: Copido please, I am begging you, please
Me: But that's...........fraudulent, you know what I mean?
Cousin: Please, the only alternative now is to go into an arranged marriage
Me: I don't think I can do it, honestly I can't. Anything can happen.
Cousin: I swear, nothing will happen. I can even be paying you part of my monthly salary.
Me: It's not about money. It's my identity, my life!
Cousin: Copido please now, please. People do it
Me: I am sorry, I can't do it.
Cousin: Copido Why? You don't need this thing, you don't need it.
Me: Are you saying I don't need my identity? If you are impersonating me and you get into police trouble, I am the one that would be implicated. With my passport, you can open a bank account, have access to a loan and other credit services and you can ruin my credit history or bankrupt me. I think you should come home. Nigeria needs......
Bang! She slammed the phone.
Her sister and her mum have since called me to 'beg me' to loan her my identity for just one year.
This silly gal, I told her to venture out of retail but all she ever did was work in clothes and cosmetics shops so she could get staff discounts.
I don't think she understands the implication of she's asking?
Or maybe she thinks I'm a dumbass and wants to do some identity fraud.
Peeps, what do you reckon?
I am not giving this any second thoughts.
And I don't care if they never talk to me again.
*Hiss*
End of!!!!
Sunday 27 May 2007
West African Idols Final - And Timi Won
I am excited for Timi but I was really hoping Omawumi would win.
I believe she might have won if the decision was based on today's performance.
She woulda made a far better idol,
She speaks better, (Did you listen to the UNICEF/AIDS Awareness Ad)
She has stage presence,
She's a performer,
She doesn't have a diction problem,
She's a sexy gal
An overrall better package.
& A Kia Picanto would fit a lady better!!!
Omawumi should have won.
I'm crying over spilt milk.
They begged us all week to vote but I didn't bother.
Omawunmi, I cried for you oh.
U shoulda won!
Oh! Btw, Goodluck Timi, I guess the girls love you cos it's only girls that bother to vote anyway.
Oops, I reckon I'm sounding spiteful.
Forgive me.
I believe she might have won if the decision was based on today's performance.
She woulda made a far better idol,
She speaks better, (Did you listen to the UNICEF/AIDS Awareness Ad)
She has stage presence,
She's a performer,
She doesn't have a diction problem,
She's a sexy gal
An overrall better package.
& A Kia Picanto would fit a lady better!!!
Omawumi should have won.
I'm crying over spilt milk.
They begged us all week to vote but I didn't bother.
Omawunmi, I cried for you oh.
U shoulda won!
Oh! Btw, Goodluck Timi, I guess the girls love you cos it's only girls that bother to vote anyway.
Oops, I reckon I'm sounding spiteful.
Forgive me.
My First Suspension
Back in Primary School, I hated Needlework cos I just couldn't sew no matter how hard I tried.
Not surprisingly, my needlework teacher hated me sooo much.
She made snide remarks about my hair being too long/unkempt, my shoes being too fancy for school and my needlework fabric being over the top.
I always ended up kneeling down in a corner of the class for one reason or the other and she would beat my knuckles sore with a heavy wooden ruler after each class.
She was very ugly and wicked and her hatred for me was very mutual.
I hated her from the depth of my soul.
I feigned illness several times to avoid going to her class but that only worked once.
Another time, I actually hid in the toilet and as I returned to class afterwards, I met her waiting for me in front of my class.
There was nowhere to run as she grabbed me and pinched my nose and ears till they were scorching hot and then she made me crawl to her office.
When we got to her office, I knelt down in my 'corner' and endured her knuckle-hitting ruler yet again.
It was the last time I tried to avoid her class.
Her name was Ms Ukoh, a dark, short, Calabar woman with teeth too large for her mouth.
She had thick sagging lips and wore jerry-curls and she was truly very ugly.
Her very big tummy was the same size as her very big bum.
One wet Thursday afternoon, we were lined up in needlework class to show her our homework.
I was last on the queue and there was a girl (Hadiza) just before me.
Hadiza: She's going to beat me, I didn't do my cross-stitches
Me: I did mine but I'm sure she won't like it
Hadiza: Why is she always beating you?
Me: She hates me
Hadiza: I hate her too
Me: Me too, I really really hate her. I think she's very ugly.
Hadiza: Witch! She's the ugliest teacher in the school. I wonder who even gives her money to do her jerry-curls
Mrs Ukoh: The two of you at the back, come here. What did you just say?
Me: (Shocked and teeth chattering in fear) Nothing
Hadiza: Nothing, we didn't say anything
Mrs Ukoh: You will repeat what you said today or you are dead
Me & Hadiza: Mrs Ukoh, we didn't say anything
Mrs Ukoh: Nene, get me a cane from the garden. Everybody can sit down, you two kneel down
As we knelt down, I started thinking: I'm done for! How could she have heard us from that distance when we were barely whispering! She must really be a witch!
Hadiza & I started weeping as Mrs Ukoh stared at us with pure hatred.
The cane arrived.
It was very long and tough.
Mrs Ukoh swiped the cane in air and demanded: 'I said what did you say?'
Hadiza: She..she...she's the one. She's the one that said that she hates you and you are ugly and that who gives you money to do your jerry curls
Class: Haaaaaaaa!
Mrs Ukoh had never looked so furious..……...or ugly: ‘I will kill you today’
Me: Ah Hadiza! You’re lying. You are the one that said who gives her money for....
I never finished the sentence as the cane hit me just then.
I screamed and writhed on the floor as the cane hit me over and over and over again.
Hadiza was not spared either.
I pretended to swoon and faint but she just continued beating us.
We both screamed in sheer agony and I remember passing out a couple of times and waking up to the pain.
Mrs Ukoh: (panting) I'll teach you a lesson you will never forget today. Even if you die, I'll follow you to your grave and wake you up from the dead.
She beat us like we were thieves for the better part of her period.
When she was through, we were covered with bruises and barely able to cry, walk or talk.
Hadiza had passed out and she had to be carried out of Mrs Ukoh's class.
My class teacher, whose daughter was a witness to the beating, had a confrontation with Mrs Ukoh as beating had been banned in the school.
We were taken to the school doctor who was also disgusted that someone could beat children like animals.
We must have been sedated because, I slept off and woke up to the sound of angry voices: My Mum & Hadiza’s dad demanding to see the Mrs Ukoh, the proprietress or someone in authority.
The police were called and photographs taken,it was a serious matter.
Mrs Ukoh had somehow disappeared.
Hadiza’s father was a lawyer and he threatened to have Mrs Ukoh jailed.
My housewife mum also threatened to shut down the school and notify NTA (Nigerian Television station).
The school authority was very apologetic and an agreement was reached that a meeting would be held the following day to resolve the matter, they so begged my mum not to get the Press.
The next day, my mum asked me to take her straight to Mrs Ukoh’s class.
I would never forget, the monstrous woman was sewing an hideous, green fabric when my mum pounced on her.
Not one person could restrain my mum, my mum beat her oh, I won’t lie and I was very glad because I was somehow avenged.
During the meeting, Hadiza’s mother also slapped her and spat on her.
My dad was absent.
The school authority suspended Mrs Ukoh indefinitely, though she returned to work a month later after she wrote a letter of apology to both parents.
Hadiza and I also got suspended for a week for backbiting and for the misconduct of our mothers.
When we returned to school, we were the class heroines and there was no more needlework as no substitute teacher had been found.
I guess that’s why Mrs Ukoh got her job back.
Of course, it was no longer compulsory for girls to do needlework so Hadiza and I joined the boys in crafts class and moulded all sorts with plasticine.
Watch out for My First Sweet Revenge!
Friday 25 May 2007
Not That Shirt!!
Hubby chose to wear a grey and blue striped shirt this morning.
It was a nice, Hackett shirt I actually chose for him about two years ago.
As you can imagine, it's a couple of sizes smaller now and the sleeves rest clearly above his wrist.
Me: Babes, you cant wear that shirt
Hubby: What's wrong with it?
Me: It's not your size anymore
Hubby: Babes, it's Friday. I won't wear it after today
Me: No! No! No!
Hubby: Please help me clean my shoes.
I quietly took out hubby's spare key from the dressing table drawer and I took his regular key from the dining table.
I hid them in my freezer.
I made him coffee and toast and cleaned his shoes.
And then I made myself a cup of ginger tea and sat down to catch-up with yesterday's American Idol.
Hubby ate, took his coffee and was ready to leave after a short prayer.
Hubby: Babes, my car keys?
Me: I've got them
Hubby: (laughs) I guess I'll only get my key if I change this shirt, abi?
Me: Yupp
Hubby: I don't have a choice, right? It doesn't matter if I really want to wear this shirt.
Me: Babes,you were a size 16 when you bought it. You are now a size 17
Hubby: I don't mind
Me: I do
Hubby: Okay, please choose another shirt for me. Mmmmh, my wife is already bossing me around......
So I chose a very similar-looking shirt with a matching tie and hubby changed.
I locked the wardrobe and got his car keys from the freezer
Hubby: I married a crazy woman
Me: Whatever!
He has since called me four times to let me know people keep saying the shirt is nice.
He wanted to know if we just bought it.
I reminded him we bought it in a small Italian shop in 2005.
I guess I'll be doing some wardrobe clearing this weekend.
We are also drawing up a household budget this weekend.
It seems all we've been doing since January is spend, spend, spend and we need to save before the kids start coming.
Signing off!
It was a nice, Hackett shirt I actually chose for him about two years ago.
As you can imagine, it's a couple of sizes smaller now and the sleeves rest clearly above his wrist.
Me: Babes, you cant wear that shirt
Hubby: What's wrong with it?
Me: It's not your size anymore
Hubby: Babes, it's Friday. I won't wear it after today
Me: No! No! No!
Hubby: Please help me clean my shoes.
I quietly took out hubby's spare key from the dressing table drawer and I took his regular key from the dining table.
I hid them in my freezer.
I made him coffee and toast and cleaned his shoes.
And then I made myself a cup of ginger tea and sat down to catch-up with yesterday's American Idol.
Hubby ate, took his coffee and was ready to leave after a short prayer.
Hubby: Babes, my car keys?
Me: I've got them
Hubby: (laughs) I guess I'll only get my key if I change this shirt, abi?
Me: Yupp
Hubby: I don't have a choice, right? It doesn't matter if I really want to wear this shirt.
Me: Babes,you were a size 16 when you bought it. You are now a size 17
Hubby: I don't mind
Me: I do
Hubby: Okay, please choose another shirt for me. Mmmmh, my wife is already bossing me around......
So I chose a very similar-looking shirt with a matching tie and hubby changed.
I locked the wardrobe and got his car keys from the freezer
Hubby: I married a crazy woman
Me: Whatever!
He has since called me four times to let me know people keep saying the shirt is nice.
He wanted to know if we just bought it.
I reminded him we bought it in a small Italian shop in 2005.
I guess I'll be doing some wardrobe clearing this weekend.
We are also drawing up a household budget this weekend.
It seems all we've been doing since January is spend, spend, spend and we need to save before the kids start coming.
Signing off!
Wednesday 23 May 2007
Mad @ Hubby (Be Warned: Very Long!)
Peeps, noone actually noticed there's been no 'glowing' comments on my 'lovey-dovey' hubby.
Well, I've been really mad at him and sulking like a baby.
We got an invitation for a Couples Dinner @ Sheraton last Saturday.
Anyways, hubby had to do some important things that afternoon and I said no worries as I wanted to rest too.
When I woke up at 615pm, hubby was nowhere in sight and our dinner was starting @ 7pm.
As you can imagine....I was fuming but I sent him an SMS saying: Babes, I'm not missing this dinner. If u r not home in an hour's time, I'll be leaving without u.....but I'll keep a seat for you.
While I was having a shower (actually washing my face) in the guest bathroom NEPA struck and the bathroom door suddenly opened shortly after.
I screamed and inhaled soapy water and of course, my eyes stung all through the night bcos some soap got in there too.
It was hubby anyways, I cant imagine what would have happened if it was anyone else, as noone even bothered to check if I was okay.
Or maybe I make too much noise? Wolf! Wolf!
Anyways, we were about 25minutes late for the dinner.
I wore a grey and blue satin and chiffon dress I bought in Wallis last summer/spring and hubby wore a navy-blue suit with a powder-blue shirt and a grey and blue tie, to match my dress.
The dinner went well, there was a stand-up comedian, some inspirational speeches on Marriages and Relationships, a Question and Answer session, Awards to the Youngest and Oldest Couples and finally (sigh), dinner @ 1036pm?
I know I shouldn't be eating after 7pm, but this is Nigeria oh!!!
Three-course meal, buffet style, cultured people, abundant food.
I must confess I'm not really a food person but I AM A SWEET ADDICT!!!!.
What I eat is what I should not be eating: sweets, pastries, ice-cream, cookies, chocolat, cakes, caramel etc
I picked a mixed fruit and vegetarian salad as my first course
I skipped main course
For desert, I picked a slice of every cake I found on display.
You lot shoulda seen my plate, it was unashamedly heaped!!!
Shamefully though, I wasn't able to devour everything.
I ate 2 caramel covered croissants, a yummy chocolate cake, a multi-colored cream cake, a soft bread-like thing that seemed to have been dipped in something really sweet and a not-too-sweet caramel cake.
Hubby shook his head at me and whispered: 'Glutton' when I burped.
There was no ice-cream so I had something that tasted like lemon juice???
Anyways, I had to pay a short homage to the loo before we left.
When I tried getting up, I found out that my toes were sore.
They had been cramped in my pointy-toes, silver and black shoes from Faith for too long.
I walked painfully and slowly to the ladies and back.
On returning, I told hubby my toes were sore and I removed my shoes.
But the dinner had ended and someone was already doing a closing prayer.
Hubby said to manage it to the car or hold the shoes in my hand.
I said I could walk to the lobby while he got the car and picked me up from there.
Hubby: You think you are talking to Mr P. Look, we're the only ones still seated. Lets go.
I got back into the hot shoes and slowly stood up.
I limped slowly and painstakingly from one foot to the other.
Yes, we were the last to get out of the banquet hall and I had to remind hubby several times to walk slowly to match my pace.
When we got to the hotel lobby, hubby's like: 'Babes, you have to decide now if you are going to walk with these shoes or take them off and walk bare-footed'
Me: Sweetie I cant walk barefoot
Hubby: Then walk and stop making it obvious your shoes are tight
Me: I can't help it.
Hubby:Look, I've had a long day and I just want to go to bed. We're still driving all the way to Lekki so we better hurry.
Me: Why are you making it sound like I am not making an effort?
Hubby: Cos that's what it looks like to me.
I continued walking slowly and hubby tried marching past me so I grabbed his arm and he just kept walking fast and pulling me along till I let go.
I found somewhere to perch, hoping he would come and get me.
Alas! I watched hubby walk away, get into the car and remain seated for like 5minutes, then my phone rang.
Hubby:(sounding irritated) Hello. I'm waiting for you.
Me: Please, my toes really hurt
Hubby: Babes, your toes did not hurt when you went to pile your plate with cakes. They didn't hurt all through the dinner. Please, I'm begging you, remove your shoes and come into the car.
Me: Thanks. I walked in wearing these shoes and I'm leaving in these shoes!
Hubby: You are just being stubborn and insensitive, you know I have had a long day.
Me: Whatever babes, whatever. Just go home, I'll take a cab
Hubby: Why don't you lodge in Sheraton instead? Abeg hurry up
Me: Thanks a lot for ruining a wonderful evening
Hubby: Same to you. I am waiting
Hubby cut the phone on me, first time ever.
I felt like a wounded prey.
By now, I was crying my trademark tears.
I rang him back.
Me:(sobbing) Do you remember, that on the 27th January this year, you promised you will be there for me in weakness and in strength. Tonight, I'm weak and I need you to be there for me...
Hubby: Babes, don't try to blackmail me.
Me:(still sobbing) Do you remember?
A middle-aged couple walked past and tried not to stare.
Hubby: babes, people are looking at you. Why do you enjoy making a scene
Me: I don't care about people, just answer me!!!
Hubby: I remember
Me: Thank you, because today, you have shown me that you lied at the altar. You did not mean a word you said that day. Thank you so much!!!!!
I got up and painstakingly made my way to the car and hubby.
As I buckled my seat belt Hubby: Boooo-booo-boo.(mimicking someone crying) I won!!!!!
I cried silently all the way home as I remembered how hubby was always the perfect gentleman throughout our years of dating.
I remembered how he would pay huge car-rentals, parking and congestion charges in London just to take me out.
I remembered how he had carried me to the car and our front door once because the heel of my shoe broke!
And I was very, very cross with him!!
By the time we got home, I had a terrible headache so I took Anadin extra, took off my shoes and I slept in my dinner dress and make-up.
On our wedding night, hubby and I promised each other we would never sleep on a fight.
That night, we slept without praying and talking.
Sunday morning, we both got up without a word to each other, got ready for church and left the house, in separate cars.
By the way, I wore the same shoes.
The Title of the Sermon was: The Foundations of Marriage
I cried all through the sermon, praise and worship, offering and closing prayer as the Pastor was actually somehow speaking directly to me, and hubby.
After service, a man held me on the shoulder and asked if I was okay.
A voice(hubby's) answered: Don't worry. She's okay
I heard the man tell him I had cried all through the service and I cried more bcos I felt so bad and because I was drowning myself in self-pity and realising marriage 'ain't all rosy'
Hubby took a seat beside me and hugged me.
His eyes were red too and he said: I am sorry
Me:(still sobbing) Why? Why did you do that to me? I really needed you. I really did
Hubby: Babes, I am so sorry. I guess I was tired and cranky
Me: Booooooooooo
Hubby passed me a hanky
Me: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Voices: 'Is she okay?' 'Is anything the matter??' 'What's wrong with her?' 'Should I get the Pastor?'
Me: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Hubby: (low voice) Babes, you are actually embarrassing me. People are looking
Me: I don't care! Let them look!!
Hubby: (uneasily) They'll be thinking I have been beating you
Me: (I looked into hubby's face and I could see he was sincerely sorry and he looked quite embarrassed and I spoke in a breaking voice) Sometimes, some words and actions can hurt more than physical violence
I got up and walked outta church with my head bent. I was having another nasty headache.
Hubby walked slowly beside me.
I couldn't help saying: 'For your information, I am wearing the same shoes, you better not wait for me'
Hubby laughed.
And although hubby had apologised, I didn't want to be in the same house with him yet.
I just wanted to run away, no destination, just away
But hubby got into my car with me and we talked and talked and talked and he made me promise I would come home now.
I said I just wanted to drive around but I later agreed to go home.
On getting home, we both went to sleep.
We've both been acting like semi-robots since.
However, I woke him up this morning, 0328am and said: Babes, I am sorry
Hubby: Does that mean I am completely forgiven?
Me: I guess so!
And it feels so good!
Well, I reckon, I was a tad inconsiderate and stubborn and there wasn't anything wrong with walking barefooted.
Silence really hurts and I've been so lonely in my marriage this past three days.
I won't be doing it again.
What do ye reckon peeps, should I throw the shoes away or hide them where I'll never find them again??
Well, I've been really mad at him and sulking like a baby.
We got an invitation for a Couples Dinner @ Sheraton last Saturday.
Anyways, hubby had to do some important things that afternoon and I said no worries as I wanted to rest too.
When I woke up at 615pm, hubby was nowhere in sight and our dinner was starting @ 7pm.
As you can imagine....I was fuming but I sent him an SMS saying: Babes, I'm not missing this dinner. If u r not home in an hour's time, I'll be leaving without u.....but I'll keep a seat for you.
While I was having a shower (actually washing my face) in the guest bathroom NEPA struck and the bathroom door suddenly opened shortly after.
I screamed and inhaled soapy water and of course, my eyes stung all through the night bcos some soap got in there too.
It was hubby anyways, I cant imagine what would have happened if it was anyone else, as noone even bothered to check if I was okay.
Or maybe I make too much noise? Wolf! Wolf!
Anyways, we were about 25minutes late for the dinner.
I wore a grey and blue satin and chiffon dress I bought in Wallis last summer/spring and hubby wore a navy-blue suit with a powder-blue shirt and a grey and blue tie, to match my dress.
The dinner went well, there was a stand-up comedian, some inspirational speeches on Marriages and Relationships, a Question and Answer session, Awards to the Youngest and Oldest Couples and finally (sigh), dinner @ 1036pm?
I know I shouldn't be eating after 7pm, but this is Nigeria oh!!!
Three-course meal, buffet style, cultured people, abundant food.
I must confess I'm not really a food person but I AM A SWEET ADDICT!!!!.
What I eat is what I should not be eating: sweets, pastries, ice-cream, cookies, chocolat, cakes, caramel etc
I picked a mixed fruit and vegetarian salad as my first course
I skipped main course
For desert, I picked a slice of every cake I found on display.
You lot shoulda seen my plate, it was unashamedly heaped!!!
Shamefully though, I wasn't able to devour everything.
I ate 2 caramel covered croissants, a yummy chocolate cake, a multi-colored cream cake, a soft bread-like thing that seemed to have been dipped in something really sweet and a not-too-sweet caramel cake.
Hubby shook his head at me and whispered: 'Glutton' when I burped.
There was no ice-cream so I had something that tasted like lemon juice???
Anyways, I had to pay a short homage to the loo before we left.
When I tried getting up, I found out that my toes were sore.
They had been cramped in my pointy-toes, silver and black shoes from Faith for too long.
I walked painfully and slowly to the ladies and back.
On returning, I told hubby my toes were sore and I removed my shoes.
But the dinner had ended and someone was already doing a closing prayer.
Hubby said to manage it to the car or hold the shoes in my hand.
I said I could walk to the lobby while he got the car and picked me up from there.
Hubby: You think you are talking to Mr P. Look, we're the only ones still seated. Lets go.
I got back into the hot shoes and slowly stood up.
I limped slowly and painstakingly from one foot to the other.
Yes, we were the last to get out of the banquet hall and I had to remind hubby several times to walk slowly to match my pace.
When we got to the hotel lobby, hubby's like: 'Babes, you have to decide now if you are going to walk with these shoes or take them off and walk bare-footed'
Me: Sweetie I cant walk barefoot
Hubby: Then walk and stop making it obvious your shoes are tight
Me: I can't help it.
Hubby:Look, I've had a long day and I just want to go to bed. We're still driving all the way to Lekki so we better hurry.
Me: Why are you making it sound like I am not making an effort?
Hubby: Cos that's what it looks like to me.
I continued walking slowly and hubby tried marching past me so I grabbed his arm and he just kept walking fast and pulling me along till I let go.
I found somewhere to perch, hoping he would come and get me.
Alas! I watched hubby walk away, get into the car and remain seated for like 5minutes, then my phone rang.
Hubby:(sounding irritated) Hello. I'm waiting for you.
Me: Please, my toes really hurt
Hubby: Babes, your toes did not hurt when you went to pile your plate with cakes. They didn't hurt all through the dinner. Please, I'm begging you, remove your shoes and come into the car.
Me: Thanks. I walked in wearing these shoes and I'm leaving in these shoes!
Hubby: You are just being stubborn and insensitive, you know I have had a long day.
Me: Whatever babes, whatever. Just go home, I'll take a cab
Hubby: Why don't you lodge in Sheraton instead? Abeg hurry up
Me: Thanks a lot for ruining a wonderful evening
Hubby: Same to you. I am waiting
Hubby cut the phone on me, first time ever.
I felt like a wounded prey.
By now, I was crying my trademark tears.
I rang him back.
Me:(sobbing) Do you remember, that on the 27th January this year, you promised you will be there for me in weakness and in strength. Tonight, I'm weak and I need you to be there for me...
Hubby: Babes, don't try to blackmail me.
Me:(still sobbing) Do you remember?
A middle-aged couple walked past and tried not to stare.
Hubby: babes, people are looking at you. Why do you enjoy making a scene
Me: I don't care about people, just answer me!!!
Hubby: I remember
Me: Thank you, because today, you have shown me that you lied at the altar. You did not mean a word you said that day. Thank you so much!!!!!
I got up and painstakingly made my way to the car and hubby.
As I buckled my seat belt Hubby: Boooo-booo-boo.(mimicking someone crying) I won!!!!!
I cried silently all the way home as I remembered how hubby was always the perfect gentleman throughout our years of dating.
I remembered how he would pay huge car-rentals, parking and congestion charges in London just to take me out.
I remembered how he had carried me to the car and our front door once because the heel of my shoe broke!
And I was very, very cross with him!!
By the time we got home, I had a terrible headache so I took Anadin extra, took off my shoes and I slept in my dinner dress and make-up.
On our wedding night, hubby and I promised each other we would never sleep on a fight.
That night, we slept without praying and talking.
Sunday morning, we both got up without a word to each other, got ready for church and left the house, in separate cars.
By the way, I wore the same shoes.
The Title of the Sermon was: The Foundations of Marriage
I cried all through the sermon, praise and worship, offering and closing prayer as the Pastor was actually somehow speaking directly to me, and hubby.
After service, a man held me on the shoulder and asked if I was okay.
A voice(hubby's) answered: Don't worry. She's okay
I heard the man tell him I had cried all through the service and I cried more bcos I felt so bad and because I was drowning myself in self-pity and realising marriage 'ain't all rosy'
Hubby took a seat beside me and hugged me.
His eyes were red too and he said: I am sorry
Me:(still sobbing) Why? Why did you do that to me? I really needed you. I really did
Hubby: Babes, I am so sorry. I guess I was tired and cranky
Me: Booooooooooo
Hubby passed me a hanky
Me: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Voices: 'Is she okay?' 'Is anything the matter??' 'What's wrong with her?' 'Should I get the Pastor?'
Me: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Hubby: (low voice) Babes, you are actually embarrassing me. People are looking
Me: I don't care! Let them look!!
Hubby: (uneasily) They'll be thinking I have been beating you
Me: (I looked into hubby's face and I could see he was sincerely sorry and he looked quite embarrassed and I spoke in a breaking voice) Sometimes, some words and actions can hurt more than physical violence
I got up and walked outta church with my head bent. I was having another nasty headache.
Hubby walked slowly beside me.
I couldn't help saying: 'For your information, I am wearing the same shoes, you better not wait for me'
Hubby laughed.
And although hubby had apologised, I didn't want to be in the same house with him yet.
I just wanted to run away, no destination, just away
But hubby got into my car with me and we talked and talked and talked and he made me promise I would come home now.
I said I just wanted to drive around but I later agreed to go home.
On getting home, we both went to sleep.
We've both been acting like semi-robots since.
However, I woke him up this morning, 0328am and said: Babes, I am sorry
Hubby: Does that mean I am completely forgiven?
Me: I guess so!
And it feels so good!
Well, I reckon, I was a tad inconsiderate and stubborn and there wasn't anything wrong with walking barefooted.
Silence really hurts and I've been so lonely in my marriage this past three days.
I won't be doing it again.
What do ye reckon peeps, should I throw the shoes away or hide them where I'll never find them again??
Tuesday 22 May 2007
Snakes in The House
My cousin called yesterday to warn us to keep our doors and windows shut.
She said two people in her church found snakes in their houses.
One family found a big, long snake in their kitchen.
The second family found a snake crawling under their bed when they wanted to retire to bed at night.
***Shriek!!!!! Goosebumps!!!!! Shriek!!!!!****
I can't stand snakes!
I hate anything that creeps or crawls.
Since I heard this yesterday, I have been jumping at every unexpected sound.
My estate is fully developed but there are some undeveloped lands every here and there in surrounding areas.
I remember back in them days, when I was in boarding school.
One day, I was told to push a dustbin and as I pushed, a large, empty tin of Milo (A Nigerian beverage) rolled out.
I tried to use a stick to maneuver the tin but it was really heavy so I kicked it!
I saw some water spilling out of the tin and something brown.
In my head, I thought: Disgusting, someone excreted in an empty thing! Yuck!
Well, the so-called brown stuff, turned out to be a long brown snake.
It came out of the tin slowly and formed a big coil before my unbelieving eyes.
I stayed rooted to the spot in shock; shaking and afraid to run because I could not bring myself to turn my back on it.
What if it attacked me from the back?
I somehow summoned up enough courage to scream/shriek: 'He-eeeee-lll-ppppppp! Ssssss-nnnnn-aaaaaaaaaaa-kkkkkkkkkk-eee!'
It was an unholy cry!
My eyes were practically popping out of their sockets but I was frozen at the same spot.
People appeared from nowhere and started throwing sticks and stones.
Next thing I saw, the snake was in the air flying!!!!
People started running and screaming!!!!
Peeps, noone had ever told me snakes could fly.
That was the last thing I saw, because.........can you guess?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The snake did not bite me!!
I fainted!!!
I woke up in the school ambulance much later.
My body was wet, I was told people had poured water on my face to revive me but I was far gone.
So they had concluded I had been bitten by the snake and the ambulance was rushing me to the general hospital.
I was wheeled into the emergency room with the dead snake in a nylon bag(creeps)
By then, I was able to confirm that up till the time the snake flew, it hadn't bitten me.
Well, I got to have a ride out of school in the ambulance, with the siren blaring.
My parents were contacted and they met us at the hospital.
Of course, I was discharged that day but my parents insisted on taking me to the family doctor.
I was dressed in my torn and soiled nightie but I was sooooo happy to escape the confines of boarding school for a few days.
By the time I returned to school, rumours had gone round the school that I had died.
Well, as a result of this, my morning duty for the remainder of junior school was window-cleaning.
Back to the present, our guest-bathroom has a drain-pipe that opens into a small gutter that runs inside the compound and flows into a bigger gutter outside the compound.
I am sure this pipe will be very attractive to any $nake looking for shelter.
Hubby has agreed to call a plumber to cover the hole with a strainer? before I completely lose it.
I reckon I'll totally freak out if I found a snake lurking anywhere in my house.
Of course I had a bad dream about snakes when I slept.
I just remember it was a scary dream and the snakes didn't hurt me but I was terrified.
I woke up in cold sweat and hubby hugged me reassuringly.
He was too sleepy to hear the details of my dream so I slept back anyway, with the lights on.
A snake in the bedroom???? Uuuuuuggggghhhhh!!
She said two people in her church found snakes in their houses.
One family found a big, long snake in their kitchen.
The second family found a snake crawling under their bed when they wanted to retire to bed at night.
***Shriek!!!!! Goosebumps!!!!! Shriek!!!!!****
I can't stand snakes!
I hate anything that creeps or crawls.
Since I heard this yesterday, I have been jumping at every unexpected sound.
My estate is fully developed but there are some undeveloped lands every here and there in surrounding areas.
I remember back in them days, when I was in boarding school.
One day, I was told to push a dustbin and as I pushed, a large, empty tin of Milo (A Nigerian beverage) rolled out.
I tried to use a stick to maneuver the tin but it was really heavy so I kicked it!
I saw some water spilling out of the tin and something brown.
In my head, I thought: Disgusting, someone excreted in an empty thing! Yuck!
Well, the so-called brown stuff, turned out to be a long brown snake.
It came out of the tin slowly and formed a big coil before my unbelieving eyes.
I stayed rooted to the spot in shock; shaking and afraid to run because I could not bring myself to turn my back on it.
What if it attacked me from the back?
I somehow summoned up enough courage to scream/shriek: 'He-eeeee-lll-ppppppp! Ssssss-nnnnn-aaaaaaaaaaa-kkkkkkkkkk-eee!'
It was an unholy cry!
My eyes were practically popping out of their sockets but I was frozen at the same spot.
People appeared from nowhere and started throwing sticks and stones.
Next thing I saw, the snake was in the air flying!!!!
People started running and screaming!!!!
Peeps, noone had ever told me snakes could fly.
That was the last thing I saw, because.........can you guess?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The snake did not bite me!!
I fainted!!!
I woke up in the school ambulance much later.
My body was wet, I was told people had poured water on my face to revive me but I was far gone.
So they had concluded I had been bitten by the snake and the ambulance was rushing me to the general hospital.
I was wheeled into the emergency room with the dead snake in a nylon bag(creeps)
By then, I was able to confirm that up till the time the snake flew, it hadn't bitten me.
Well, I got to have a ride out of school in the ambulance, with the siren blaring.
My parents were contacted and they met us at the hospital.
Of course, I was discharged that day but my parents insisted on taking me to the family doctor.
I was dressed in my torn and soiled nightie but I was sooooo happy to escape the confines of boarding school for a few days.
By the time I returned to school, rumours had gone round the school that I had died.
Well, as a result of this, my morning duty for the remainder of junior school was window-cleaning.
Back to the present, our guest-bathroom has a drain-pipe that opens into a small gutter that runs inside the compound and flows into a bigger gutter outside the compound.
I am sure this pipe will be very attractive to any $nake looking for shelter.
Hubby has agreed to call a plumber to cover the hole with a strainer? before I completely lose it.
I reckon I'll totally freak out if I found a snake lurking anywhere in my house.
Of course I had a bad dream about snakes when I slept.
I just remember it was a scary dream and the snakes didn't hurt me but I was terrified.
I woke up in cold sweat and hubby hugged me reassuringly.
He was too sleepy to hear the details of my dream so I slept back anyway, with the lights on.
A snake in the bedroom???? Uuuuuuggggghhhhh!!
Saturday 19 May 2007
What An Interview!!
My driver arrived 20minutes later than arranged.
I had waited an extra ten minutes for him before setting out.
As I drove out of the estate to link the express road, I heard his annoying voice
'Mummy wait!!!! Wait!!!!!
I thought: 'Grrrrh!! How many times must I tell this irritant to call me Mrs O. He's at least 10years older than me, if not more.
He got off the okada and spent time haggling over his fare before joining me in the car.
Driver: Mummy, na N1000 I pay LASTMA for junction now because I dey rush come house
Me: Mr P, when next you are late, I expect you to apologise first for your lateness before cooking up stories.
Driver: Mummy, sorry but I swear....
Me: Please keep quiet. I need to concentrate
Driver: (laughs) Daddy say them jam you again......abi na you jam dem, I no remember.
Grrrhhh!!!
Anyways, we were stuck in traffic for longer than I dare to remember.
Fifteen minutes to my interview, I was stuck on Ajose Adeogun and the Company's contact number was just unavailable so I couldn't call to say I was running late.
Of course I had to blame someone, Mr P.
Me: 'Mr P, can you see what you have caused, can you? See what you have caused' You cannot keep to time and I will have to tell my husband.
Driver: 'Ehhhh, mummuy sorry. Sorry ma. Maybe you can take okada.
I thought: This guy is insane! Okada!!? Do I really need this job? Should I just bust it and head back home? Okada?
Me: 'Mr P, get me an okada'......Phew! Yes, I actually said it. I'm bored stiff of staying at home and this was most likely my final interview with this company.
Driver: 'Mummy, one dey for our back. Okadaaa!!! Okadaaa!!!'
I got out of my car and jumped on the 'okada'
The bike turned and twisted through traffic and I got to my destination just two minutes before the hour.
I must have held my breath for the duration of the ride but I gave the guy N500 and ran off.
I sat down at reception with about 6 others and I was trying to catch my breath and wipe the sweat off my face without cleaning off my make-up.
Five hours later, my bum was steaming AND still glued to the same seat.
No refreshments.
No apologies.
These people have no respect whatsoever!!!! ***Hiss!!! Hiss!!! Frigging Hiss!!!***
I was furious!
Why did I even bother with the okada *Hiss*
At about 6:15pm, I was called in to see the boss.
Boss: Hello, I am ABC, Assistant General Manager, Banking & Operations. I have been told you are motivated by money
Me: (stiff smile and handshake) Good-evening, Nice to meet you sir. I am Mrs O and Yes, I am motivated by money amongst other things.
Boss: So the reason I am meeting you today is to strike a balance, among other things. This is your last interview with us so I will advise you to give your answers some consideration because my decision will be based on the outcome of this interview. Is that fair enough for you?
Me: I believe so.
Boss: Good. Can you quickly run thru your work history.
I had done this at every interview they invited me for!! These people don't even bother to read your CV.
I started with my most recent employment and I gave a short summary of my duties and reasons for living.
Boss: I have never heard of these companies before. What's the staff strength of the last company you worked for and was it a one man company or did it have a board of directors?
Me: It has a board of Directors and a staff strength of tens of thousands. It also has international offices in......
Boss: Mmmmh? All those one room offices (laughs, I kept a straight-face. I didnt think that was funny) Any director whose name might ring a bell?
Me: I don't know, the directors are mainly Israeli and I worked in their UK office.
Boss: Ohhhh, you are the one that used to work in London!!!! I hate that London, I have only been there once. All their houses are the same and their rooms are like matchboxes? (laughs, hehehehehehe. I'm so furious!!!!!) Where is that your CV sef????
He locates my CV and says: Mrs O............., Mmmmmmh. When did you get married.
Me: (What the heck??!!!) I got married in January
Boss: Where does your husband work?
Me: (What the frigging heck???!!)
Boss: Ahhhhhh, so are you married to blablabla ( Hubby's full name, including middle name)
Me: Yes
Boss: Your husband is in trouble. I know your husband very well. We used to hang out together @......You mean he got married without telling me....Ahhhhh, he's in trouble.
I am obviously confused and thinking, I hope hubby had a good relationship with this monstrous man. He started asking me when we got married, where we live, honeymoon etc.
Finally, he picked his phone and put it on speaker. Hubby's number is even stored on his phone: Boss: I am calling your husband now. He's in big trouble oh
Me: I am sorry to hear that. I...
Boss: Ssshhhhhh. (Hubby's phone is ringing and hubby picks)
Hubby: Hello
Boss: Hello. This is ABC. How are you doing? Long time no see.
Silence
Boss: Oh, have you forgotten me already? Remember, we used to hang out together at blabla but I don't see you there anymore. Hello?
Silence.
By now, I'm peeing in my pants (well, almost) and thinking: What the f***!!!! (Spare my bad language)
Boss: Oh, the line has disconnected. I'm going to call him back.
Ring, ring (X10)
Finally, hubby picked: Hello
Boss: Hello, this is ABC
Hubby: I know. Good afternoon and long time sir.
Boss: Long time indeed. How are you doing?
Hubby? Great!!! And you??
Boss: Good, good! I have a problem though. I just found out that you got married and I didn't get an invitation. You also moved to Lekki, without telling me. And your wifey needed a job but it was too much to call me. My friend you are in big trouble because your wife is sitting before me now and I am going to do as I please since we are no longer friends.
Hubby: (laughing so loudly) Ahhh, please don't do that. Please don't take it out on my wife. I am really sorry.
Boss: But why have you behaved like this, ehn?
By now, I am smiling like an idiot . I relaxed and sat back as he gisted with hubby for like four minutes, catching up.
Eventually, he hung up.
Boss: The interview is over. Tell your hubby to keep in touch
Me: (Nodding like an agama lizard)
Boss: Are you happy?
Me: I am actually speechless
Boss: Ok, let me give you time to recover. Your hubby's a very nice man. He's younger but he's a remarkable chap!! How much was your last salary in the UK?
Me: Actually, I am not asking or as much because, I have considered the econom.....
Boss: No, don't worry, how much
Me: .......... ( u nosy peeps....lol)
Boss: how much in Naira
Me: I have never converted it
Boss: That's about .......million. How much are you asking for?
Me: ......
Boss: That's several millions less. I think u should add a N1.5million to that. When will you be available to start?
Me: Immediately
Boss: I think the earliest start date is August but i'll see what I can do. Are you mobile?
Me: Geographically?
Boss: Oyinbo pooo (Too much English)
Me: Sorry....
Boss: Feel free with me. I LOVE your husband, he's a great guy. Just be free with me. Be yourself!!!
Me: Okay!
Boss: When I said are you mobile, I meant do you have a car?
Me: oh yes, I drive a Nissan Altima
Boss: Mmmmh? What model?
Me: I think it's the one before the latest. Big bum one
Boss: So why didn't your husband relocate, why you?
Me: He prefers it here, or so he says
Boss: Me too. There's money in this country and we don't get slammed with tax...
Me: But there's also a lot of lawlessness
Boss: But you live in an elite area. My wife and I have not been to Lagos Mainland in two years. We do all of our business on the Island
Me: I reckon it's not too bad on the Island, it's more elitist.
Boss: Exactly! U must take care of your husband oh. He's a really good person.
Me: (smile) I know
Silence
Boss: Have u caught your breath?
Me: Sure....
Boss: Don't tell ANYBODY anything, alright?
Me: Yessir! What of my hubby??!
Boss: He knows.
Me: Thank you soooooo much sir
Boss: Take care and congrats
Me: Thank u sooooo much
I was all smiles as I left his office and I was putting on my phone to call hubby.
Someone ran after me, he was one of the guys waiting to be interviewed.
Him: Excuse me. So what did he ask you?
Me: (Gobsmacked) Dunno? It was a .......casual...sort of interview......
I ran off before he could ask me anything else.
I rang hubby as soon as I got out of the building.
Me: You!!!!
Hubby: HAHHAHAHHAH (Laughing)
Me: Why did I even bother with all those interviews?
Hubby: Babes, I'm proud of you. You earned this job yourself! You should be proud of yourself.
Me: How?
Hubby: U went through the normal interview process, no favours. i am extremely proud of you.
Me: Awwwww! But did you know I was going to meet him?
Hubby: I swear I didnt even remember he was there but even if I had known, I would have preferred you to go thru the same way. We're gonna celebrate tonight
Me: Yeahman!! I am sooo happy. Farewell to days of being a house-wife
Hubby: Oh shut up!!!
Now, don't say I told u anything!!
I had waited an extra ten minutes for him before setting out.
As I drove out of the estate to link the express road, I heard his annoying voice
'Mummy wait!!!! Wait!!!!!
I thought: 'Grrrrh!! How many times must I tell this irritant to call me Mrs O. He's at least 10years older than me, if not more.
He got off the okada and spent time haggling over his fare before joining me in the car.
Driver: Mummy, na N1000 I pay LASTMA for junction now because I dey rush come house
Me: Mr P, when next you are late, I expect you to apologise first for your lateness before cooking up stories.
Driver: Mummy, sorry but I swear....
Me: Please keep quiet. I need to concentrate
Driver: (laughs) Daddy say them jam you again......abi na you jam dem, I no remember.
Grrrhhh!!!
Anyways, we were stuck in traffic for longer than I dare to remember.
Fifteen minutes to my interview, I was stuck on Ajose Adeogun and the Company's contact number was just unavailable so I couldn't call to say I was running late.
Of course I had to blame someone, Mr P.
Me: 'Mr P, can you see what you have caused, can you? See what you have caused' You cannot keep to time and I will have to tell my husband.
Driver: 'Ehhhh, mummuy sorry. Sorry ma. Maybe you can take okada.
I thought: This guy is insane! Okada!!? Do I really need this job? Should I just bust it and head back home? Okada?
Me: 'Mr P, get me an okada'......Phew! Yes, I actually said it. I'm bored stiff of staying at home and this was most likely my final interview with this company.
Driver: 'Mummy, one dey for our back. Okadaaa!!! Okadaaa!!!'
I got out of my car and jumped on the 'okada'
The bike turned and twisted through traffic and I got to my destination just two minutes before the hour.
I must have held my breath for the duration of the ride but I gave the guy N500 and ran off.
I sat down at reception with about 6 others and I was trying to catch my breath and wipe the sweat off my face without cleaning off my make-up.
Five hours later, my bum was steaming AND still glued to the same seat.
No refreshments.
No apologies.
These people have no respect whatsoever!!!! ***Hiss!!! Hiss!!! Frigging Hiss!!!***
I was furious!
Why did I even bother with the okada *Hiss*
At about 6:15pm, I was called in to see the boss.
Boss: Hello, I am ABC, Assistant General Manager, Banking & Operations. I have been told you are motivated by money
Me: (stiff smile and handshake) Good-evening, Nice to meet you sir. I am Mrs O and Yes, I am motivated by money amongst other things.
Boss: So the reason I am meeting you today is to strike a balance, among other things. This is your last interview with us so I will advise you to give your answers some consideration because my decision will be based on the outcome of this interview. Is that fair enough for you?
Me: I believe so.
Boss: Good. Can you quickly run thru your work history.
I had done this at every interview they invited me for!! These people don't even bother to read your CV.
I started with my most recent employment and I gave a short summary of my duties and reasons for living.
Boss: I have never heard of these companies before. What's the staff strength of the last company you worked for and was it a one man company or did it have a board of directors?
Me: It has a board of Directors and a staff strength of tens of thousands. It also has international offices in......
Boss: Mmmmh? All those one room offices (laughs, I kept a straight-face. I didnt think that was funny) Any director whose name might ring a bell?
Me: I don't know, the directors are mainly Israeli and I worked in their UK office.
Boss: Ohhhh, you are the one that used to work in London!!!! I hate that London, I have only been there once. All their houses are the same and their rooms are like matchboxes? (laughs, hehehehehehe. I'm so furious!!!!!) Where is that your CV sef????
He locates my CV and says: Mrs O............., Mmmmmmh. When did you get married.
Me: (What the heck??!!!) I got married in January
Boss: Where does your husband work?
Me: (What the frigging heck???!!)
Boss: Ahhhhhh, so are you married to blablabla ( Hubby's full name, including middle name)
Me: Yes
Boss: Your husband is in trouble. I know your husband very well. We used to hang out together @......You mean he got married without telling me....Ahhhhh, he's in trouble.
I am obviously confused and thinking, I hope hubby had a good relationship with this monstrous man. He started asking me when we got married, where we live, honeymoon etc.
Finally, he picked his phone and put it on speaker. Hubby's number is even stored on his phone: Boss: I am calling your husband now. He's in big trouble oh
Me: I am sorry to hear that. I...
Boss: Ssshhhhhh. (Hubby's phone is ringing and hubby picks)
Hubby: Hello
Boss: Hello. This is ABC. How are you doing? Long time no see.
Silence
Boss: Oh, have you forgotten me already? Remember, we used to hang out together at blabla but I don't see you there anymore. Hello?
Silence.
By now, I'm peeing in my pants (well, almost) and thinking: What the f***!!!! (Spare my bad language)
Boss: Oh, the line has disconnected. I'm going to call him back.
Ring, ring (X10)
Finally, hubby picked: Hello
Boss: Hello, this is ABC
Hubby: I know. Good afternoon and long time sir.
Boss: Long time indeed. How are you doing?
Hubby? Great!!! And you??
Boss: Good, good! I have a problem though. I just found out that you got married and I didn't get an invitation. You also moved to Lekki, without telling me. And your wifey needed a job but it was too much to call me. My friend you are in big trouble because your wife is sitting before me now and I am going to do as I please since we are no longer friends.
Hubby: (laughing so loudly) Ahhh, please don't do that. Please don't take it out on my wife. I am really sorry.
Boss: But why have you behaved like this, ehn?
By now, I am smiling like an idiot . I relaxed and sat back as he gisted with hubby for like four minutes, catching up.
Eventually, he hung up.
Boss: The interview is over. Tell your hubby to keep in touch
Me: (Nodding like an agama lizard)
Boss: Are you happy?
Me: I am actually speechless
Boss: Ok, let me give you time to recover. Your hubby's a very nice man. He's younger but he's a remarkable chap!! How much was your last salary in the UK?
Me: Actually, I am not asking or as much because, I have considered the econom.....
Boss: No, don't worry, how much
Me: .......... ( u nosy peeps....lol)
Boss: how much in Naira
Me: I have never converted it
Boss: That's about .......million. How much are you asking for?
Me: ......
Boss: That's several millions less. I think u should add a N1.5million to that. When will you be available to start?
Me: Immediately
Boss: I think the earliest start date is August but i'll see what I can do. Are you mobile?
Me: Geographically?
Boss: Oyinbo pooo (Too much English)
Me: Sorry....
Boss: Feel free with me. I LOVE your husband, he's a great guy. Just be free with me. Be yourself!!!
Me: Okay!
Boss: When I said are you mobile, I meant do you have a car?
Me: oh yes, I drive a Nissan Altima
Boss: Mmmmh? What model?
Me: I think it's the one before the latest. Big bum one
Boss: So why didn't your husband relocate, why you?
Me: He prefers it here, or so he says
Boss: Me too. There's money in this country and we don't get slammed with tax...
Me: But there's also a lot of lawlessness
Boss: But you live in an elite area. My wife and I have not been to Lagos Mainland in two years. We do all of our business on the Island
Me: I reckon it's not too bad on the Island, it's more elitist.
Boss: Exactly! U must take care of your husband oh. He's a really good person.
Me: (smile) I know
Silence
Boss: Have u caught your breath?
Me: Sure....
Boss: Don't tell ANYBODY anything, alright?
Me: Yessir! What of my hubby??!
Boss: He knows.
Me: Thank you soooooo much sir
Boss: Take care and congrats
Me: Thank u sooooo much
I was all smiles as I left his office and I was putting on my phone to call hubby.
Someone ran after me, he was one of the guys waiting to be interviewed.
Him: Excuse me. So what did he ask you?
Me: (Gobsmacked) Dunno? It was a .......casual...sort of interview......
I ran off before he could ask me anything else.
I rang hubby as soon as I got out of the building.
Me: You!!!!
Hubby: HAHHAHAHHAH (Laughing)
Me: Why did I even bother with all those interviews?
Hubby: Babes, I'm proud of you. You earned this job yourself! You should be proud of yourself.
Me: How?
Hubby: U went through the normal interview process, no favours. i am extremely proud of you.
Me: Awwwww! But did you know I was going to meet him?
Hubby: I swear I didnt even remember he was there but even if I had known, I would have preferred you to go thru the same way. We're gonna celebrate tonight
Me: Yeahman!! I am sooo happy. Farewell to days of being a house-wife
Hubby: Oh shut up!!!
Now, don't say I told u anything!!
Friday 18 May 2007
Touring Blogville
Yeah, that's what I have been doing all morning.
I had a good laugh on
Calabargal's Perambulating
Lovely pics: BellaNaija
I so identified with Mandy's: Part 4 The Journey In
No updates on Pseudo-Independent
And Princess's: Wrong People was hilarious
These blogs have inspired me to start 'The First Time' series.
My First Sweet Revenge
My First UK Shopping Experience
My First Kiss
My First Flight Experience
My First Physical Fight
My First Time
My First Crush
My First Real Crush!!!
My First Job Interview
My First Love
My First Porn Movie(Yuck!!!)
My First Time In School Without Panties
The First Time I Cheated
The First Time I Was Accused Wrongly.
The First Time I Was Bullied etc
I am so excited about this series and I owe the inspriration to my blog tour. Some of them would be so gross and some hilarious. I hope to keep them as short as possible.....if I don't get too carried away.
I am off for my fourth job interview with a 'certain financial institution'
Ciao
I had a good laugh on
Calabargal's Perambulating
Lovely pics: BellaNaija
I so identified with Mandy's: Part 4 The Journey In
No updates on Pseudo-Independent
And Princess's: Wrong People was hilarious
These blogs have inspired me to start 'The First Time' series.
My First Sweet Revenge
My First UK Shopping Experience
My First Kiss
My First Flight Experience
My First Physical Fight
My First Time
My First Crush
My First Real Crush!!!
My First Job Interview
My First Love
My First Porn Movie(Yuck!!!)
My First Time In School Without Panties
The First Time I Cheated
The First Time I Was Accused Wrongly.
The First Time I Was Bullied etc
I am so excited about this series and I owe the inspriration to my blog tour. Some of them would be so gross and some hilarious. I hope to keep them as short as possible.....if I don't get too carried away.
I am off for my fourth job interview with a 'certain financial institution'
Ciao
Thursday 17 May 2007
I am Soooo Freaking Out!!!!
I am freaking out!!!!!
I am really and trulyfreaking out!!!!!
Who's gonna help me??!!
I narrowly escaped a near-collision with an 'okada' today.
Okadas are motorcycles used for public transport in Lagos, Nigeria.
They can squeeze into the narrowest space between cars and they don't obey any traffic laws.
Some of them are fitted with the loudest music systems and loud-blaring horns from trucks/lorries.
They are a great nuisance to many drivers on Lagos streets but we are very mindful of them.
If you dare run into an okada, be sure you'll get lynched and mobbed and you would be lucky if you escape alive and in possession of your car.
While driving on CMD road today, an okada zoomed right into the front of my car.
I was driving at 60kph and I had to swerve into the other lane to avoid knocking him off.
People were screaming as I braked suddenly and my tires screeched loudly.
He tried to grab my bonnet but I had swerved clear of him so he went zig-zag till he caught hold of a parked car.
I was petrified but ever so thankful to GOD.
The okada-driver was very apologetic: 'Madam sorry, I no look back'
Other voices chorused: 'Na small it remain, you for die today.' 'Madam no mind am, na so dem dey do' etc
What's happening?
I am so scared!
I am totally freaking out.
Hubby and I had a row last night cos he said he was going to ask the driver to resume today.
He said driving in London and Nigeria is very different and I totally agree but I have a valid UK driver's license and u don't just get that like u get driver's licences in Naija.
I left home this morning in rebellion for an unplanned visit to my dad & see where it almost landed me.
Hubby woulda been so crossed if something had happened!
I reckon it's best for this driver to resume work before I totally freak out.
Hubby's won, hands down.
Naijas have no respect for road/traffic laws, okadas are lawless and I can't allow anybody to mob/lynch me.
Phew!!!!
I am really and trulyfreaking out!!!!!
Who's gonna help me??!!
I narrowly escaped a near-collision with an 'okada' today.
Okadas are motorcycles used for public transport in Lagos, Nigeria.
They can squeeze into the narrowest space between cars and they don't obey any traffic laws.
Some of them are fitted with the loudest music systems and loud-blaring horns from trucks/lorries.
They are a great nuisance to many drivers on Lagos streets but we are very mindful of them.
If you dare run into an okada, be sure you'll get lynched and mobbed and you would be lucky if you escape alive and in possession of your car.
While driving on CMD road today, an okada zoomed right into the front of my car.
I was driving at 60kph and I had to swerve into the other lane to avoid knocking him off.
People were screaming as I braked suddenly and my tires screeched loudly.
He tried to grab my bonnet but I had swerved clear of him so he went zig-zag till he caught hold of a parked car.
I was petrified but ever so thankful to GOD.
The okada-driver was very apologetic: 'Madam sorry, I no look back'
Other voices chorused: 'Na small it remain, you for die today.' 'Madam no mind am, na so dem dey do' etc
What's happening?
I am so scared!
I am totally freaking out.
Hubby and I had a row last night cos he said he was going to ask the driver to resume today.
He said driving in London and Nigeria is very different and I totally agree but I have a valid UK driver's license and u don't just get that like u get driver's licences in Naija.
I left home this morning in rebellion for an unplanned visit to my dad & see where it almost landed me.
Hubby woulda been so crossed if something had happened!
I reckon it's best for this driver to resume work before I totally freak out.
Hubby's won, hands down.
Naijas have no respect for road/traffic laws, okadas are lawless and I can't allow anybody to mob/lynch me.
Phew!!!!
One Good Turn Really Deserves Another
Hubby got my car fixed before I returned from the UK.
The insurance story would be one for another day.
Anyways, while driving on Ozumba Mbadiwe today, a white Toyota Hilux Pick-up ran into the side of my car.
In my head, I thought not again??!!!!
I drove abroad for at least 6years and I was only involved in an accident once (My car was hit from behind by a TfL bus)
I felt totally fed up as I pulled over.
The driver quickly jumped out in an attacking mood
Driver: Madam didn't you see the police car speeding in front of me?
I jumped out of the car in annoyance and the pot-bellied driver took a few steps back.
Me: Don't feed me that crap! You have scratched my car and you will pay for it!!!
To my utmost surprise, the man went on his knees immediately and started begging me.
Driver: Madam please, I take GOD beg you. Please, I beg you. You no go see this kind thing again. Madam please. Madam please. Madam please......(x20)
I was short of words and people were shooting me daggers as the man was obviously old enough to be my dad and he was begging me unashamedly.
I sighed and told him to go, I felt so drained.
Hubby has been mounting pressure on me to let my driver resume.
A driver I was happy to get rid of because he was suffocating me!!
He would walk with me into every shop I went even if I begged him not to worry.
When I was buying my hubby's gifts and cards, his presence at my back was stifling.
I told him severally that I needed space but the moron stuck close enough to see the cards I picked and even had the gall to pick the same card off the shelves and say: Daddy will like this one(laughs).
Ouch, I hate digressing!!!
As I got back into my car, a lady rapped on my window, so I let the glass down a bit.
Lady: Aunty, you shouldn't have allowed him to go. His oga(boss) was hiding at the back of the car. They were both laughing when they drove off. Just chase them and tell them to fix your car.
I thanked her but I couldn't be bothered to start a goose-chase.
Well, I visited a friend in Festac and it took me no less than 4hours to get back home to Lekki.
The roads were bad, drivers lawless and the usual Lagos chaos abound in plenty.
I maintained my lane and drove at snail pace slowly behind the car in front of me.
I was stuck in the express road traffic, the only route I knew, hence no escape.
My radio was tuned to Cool FM, my doors were centrally locked and my AC was on full-blast.
There were suspicious looking men walking past my car every now and then and I just tried to be calm and prepared for the worst.
Well, you won' believe what happened: Nobody attacked me, thank GOD.
I actually slept off at the wheel.
The driver beside me horned loudly as my car got close to the one before me.
I was exhausted and even though I heard the horn, I was far gone and I had released my grip on the brake.
I was awakened by a loud bang!
I thought: No!!!! I didn't just sleep off did I?
I quickly got out of my car without any shoes and as I approached the car(Brand New Honda Ivtec) I had run into, the window at the back went down.
The owner, a middle-aged gentleman was seated in 'the owner's corner'
Before I could say anything, he said: Madam, this place is very dangerous, please return to your car and don't bother yourself. I will fix my car if it's spoilt. Just get back into your car
I said: Bless you, sir. Bless you!!
I climbed back into my car and slowly removed my wedding and engagement rings and my Raymond Weil wrist-watch.
Did he say, dangerous area??? mmmh!
The insurance story would be one for another day.
Anyways, while driving on Ozumba Mbadiwe today, a white Toyota Hilux Pick-up ran into the side of my car.
In my head, I thought not again??!!!!
I drove abroad for at least 6years and I was only involved in an accident once (My car was hit from behind by a TfL bus)
I felt totally fed up as I pulled over.
The driver quickly jumped out in an attacking mood
Driver: Madam didn't you see the police car speeding in front of me?
I jumped out of the car in annoyance and the pot-bellied driver took a few steps back.
Me: Don't feed me that crap! You have scratched my car and you will pay for it!!!
To my utmost surprise, the man went on his knees immediately and started begging me.
Driver: Madam please, I take GOD beg you. Please, I beg you. You no go see this kind thing again. Madam please. Madam please. Madam please......(x20)
I was short of words and people were shooting me daggers as the man was obviously old enough to be my dad and he was begging me unashamedly.
I sighed and told him to go, I felt so drained.
Hubby has been mounting pressure on me to let my driver resume.
A driver I was happy to get rid of because he was suffocating me!!
He would walk with me into every shop I went even if I begged him not to worry.
When I was buying my hubby's gifts and cards, his presence at my back was stifling.
I told him severally that I needed space but the moron stuck close enough to see the cards I picked and even had the gall to pick the same card off the shelves and say: Daddy will like this one(laughs).
Ouch, I hate digressing!!!
As I got back into my car, a lady rapped on my window, so I let the glass down a bit.
Lady: Aunty, you shouldn't have allowed him to go. His oga(boss) was hiding at the back of the car. They were both laughing when they drove off. Just chase them and tell them to fix your car.
I thanked her but I couldn't be bothered to start a goose-chase.
Well, I visited a friend in Festac and it took me no less than 4hours to get back home to Lekki.
The roads were bad, drivers lawless and the usual Lagos chaos abound in plenty.
I maintained my lane and drove at snail pace slowly behind the car in front of me.
I was stuck in the express road traffic, the only route I knew, hence no escape.
My radio was tuned to Cool FM, my doors were centrally locked and my AC was on full-blast.
There were suspicious looking men walking past my car every now and then and I just tried to be calm and prepared for the worst.
Well, you won' believe what happened: Nobody attacked me, thank GOD.
I actually slept off at the wheel.
The driver beside me horned loudly as my car got close to the one before me.
I was exhausted and even though I heard the horn, I was far gone and I had released my grip on the brake.
I was awakened by a loud bang!
I thought: No!!!! I didn't just sleep off did I?
I quickly got out of my car without any shoes and as I approached the car(Brand New Honda Ivtec) I had run into, the window at the back went down.
The owner, a middle-aged gentleman was seated in 'the owner's corner'
Before I could say anything, he said: Madam, this place is very dangerous, please return to your car and don't bother yourself. I will fix my car if it's spoilt. Just get back into your car
I said: Bless you, sir. Bless you!!
I climbed back into my car and slowly removed my wedding and engagement rings and my Raymond Weil wrist-watch.
Did he say, dangerous area??? mmmh!
Wednesday 16 May 2007
Is She Your Wife???!!!!
I met hubby for lunch last Thursday/Friday.
I wore a black and white top with a big white, stud belt and straight black pants.
While hubby was walking me to my car on Sanusi Fafunwa, a small, dark blue, air-conditioned First Inland Bank car drove past on the right lane.
There were two ladies in front.
The lady driving made eye contact with my hubby and yelled: 'Is she your wife???!!!!! Is she your wife??!!!'
Hubby and I were holding hands and I was slightly leaning on him.
Well babes, I am his wife and I have a laminated copy of my marriage certificate if you need proof.
Although you embarrassed my hubby(sort of), I applaud your courage.
Hubby said: 'Babes, if I was holding hands with someone else, I would have been consumed by guilt and I would have believed that girl was your friend and she caught me in the act. I am telling you, if that was the case, you would have heard my confession by night. Babes, I swear I love you with all my heart. I waited all these years to marry you because I knew, right from the day I met you that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. My parents had a good marriage and I promise you, I'll do all in my strength to be the best husband I can be.'
I pinched hubby's bum and smiled: 'Same here, babes'
And I spoke just those three words but I meant too much more.
Don't you reckon that if we had babes, yelling at 'suspicious men/women' all the time, maybe it would help curb promiscuity to an extent........
I am aware some people have dangerously thick skins and it wouldn't matter if they were caught in the act.
I personally, don't see myself yelling at people in the street but I could yell if I found my friends, family and/or their spouses canoodling with someone else.
Well babes, kudos to you, whoever you are.
I wore a black and white top with a big white, stud belt and straight black pants.
While hubby was walking me to my car on Sanusi Fafunwa, a small, dark blue, air-conditioned First Inland Bank car drove past on the right lane.
There were two ladies in front.
The lady driving made eye contact with my hubby and yelled: 'Is she your wife???!!!!! Is she your wife??!!!'
Hubby and I were holding hands and I was slightly leaning on him.
Well babes, I am his wife and I have a laminated copy of my marriage certificate if you need proof.
Although you embarrassed my hubby(sort of), I applaud your courage.
Hubby said: 'Babes, if I was holding hands with someone else, I would have been consumed by guilt and I would have believed that girl was your friend and she caught me in the act. I am telling you, if that was the case, you would have heard my confession by night. Babes, I swear I love you with all my heart. I waited all these years to marry you because I knew, right from the day I met you that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. My parents had a good marriage and I promise you, I'll do all in my strength to be the best husband I can be.'
I pinched hubby's bum and smiled: 'Same here, babes'
And I spoke just those three words but I meant too much more.
Don't you reckon that if we had babes, yelling at 'suspicious men/women' all the time, maybe it would help curb promiscuity to an extent........
I am aware some people have dangerously thick skins and it wouldn't matter if they were caught in the act.
I personally, don't see myself yelling at people in the street but I could yell if I found my friends, family and/or their spouses canoodling with someone else.
Well babes, kudos to you, whoever you are.
Tuesday 15 May 2007
Nosey Sister-In-Law
We did some family visits yesterday, actually we paid surprise visits on two of my hubby's siblings.
We caught one family completely unawares.
My sister-in-law had allegedly told another family member that she would not step into our home because I did not come and say thank you for all she did re: our wedding.
Well, in my defense, I actually sent text messages to everybody during our precious honeymoon and I called close friends and family after our honeymoon.
We also placed cute thank-you cards on each table at the reception.
Must I also visit everyone of the three thousand guests at our wedding??
Why are people so petty, old-fashioned and unnecessarily bitter??
I am from the South-Western part of Nigeria and in my tribe, the woman's family is responsible for hosting the wedding and engagement party.
I can proudly say that my family only accepted a cow/bull from the groom's family as support and we bought 3 other cows/bulls and paid for every other thing: 2 event venues, entertainment, event coordinators, protocol and security officers, catering and drinks, decorations, photography, videography, transport, and you name it.......I even bought my wedding dress and my hubby's and best-man's shirts with my own money and I have never asked anyone to give me the credits.
What the heck is she going on about?
Anyways, so as to forestall 'in-law enmity/rivalry', I literarily dragged hubby to visit them yesterday.
We arrived unannounced and what can I say?
Pure filth!!!
Everywhere was filthy and littered
We had to shift clothes to be able to sit in the living area.
I could tell she was sorely embarrassed as she kept blaming it on her children and of course she kept picking one piece of clothing after another.
I thought the children also looked unkempt and I am not trying to look down on anyone.
She said there was no food at home and offered to buy us some snacks which we kindly declined.
We didn't stay long and we ended up in traffic so hubby suggested we paid a visit to another sibling.
This time around, we announced we were on our way so as not to embarrass anyone.
Anyways, we met them at home and stayed till late
I thought I had a fun time as we basically talked about everything and anything.
Anyways, as we were leaving, my sister-in-law(S-I-L) dragged me aside.
S-I-L: So are you pregnant?
Me: (Thinking: What the heck!!! Whats your frigging business???!!!) Why?
S-I-L: Because I need to know so I can start making preparations.
Me: What preparations?
S-I-L: Answer me first
Me: (Really Pissed): Please ask my hubby, I can't answer that
S-I-L: Well, this is woman's talk so I can't ask him. That's why I am asking you
Me: Okay, I don't know (I started to move past her)
S-I-L: (Grabs my arm) Are you still seeing your menses?
Me: (stiffly) I don't know
S-I-L: Well, it doesn't matter if you are still seeing your menses
Me: Goodnight
S-I-L: I am talking to you
Me: Please go and ask my husband, I am not saying anything
S-I-L: You better let me know so I will know how to pray for you
Me: (Disgusted) What do you mean?
S-I-L: Ha, so I can know whether to pray God to do it or keep it
Me: Thank you
S-I-L: Which one of the prayers should i pray?
Me: You can pray both. Goodnight
I snatched my hand from her and I felt like turning back to give her the finger but I restrained myself.
I told hubby in the car and he said he was going to call her to warn her never to harass his wife again.
I told him to leave it and let sleeping dogs lie.
Can you imagine the gall, her effrontery!!!
I called my elder sister and she advised I stay away from her as she wasn't too comfortable with what happened.
I mean, I am close to my family and when I saw them last month, no-one pried.
I am driving myself nuts with worry and I am not sure I want to add anyone's over-zealous and nosy concerns to my list of worries..(hiss)
Why is it usually women that bicker and cause troube.
Gosh! I don't wanna be like this lot.
I never wanna do this to anyone....infact I am sure I'll never ever disrespect anybody's privacy like that.
Peeps, what do ye reckon??
We caught one family completely unawares.
My sister-in-law had allegedly told another family member that she would not step into our home because I did not come and say thank you for all she did re: our wedding.
Well, in my defense, I actually sent text messages to everybody during our precious honeymoon and I called close friends and family after our honeymoon.
We also placed cute thank-you cards on each table at the reception.
Must I also visit everyone of the three thousand guests at our wedding??
Why are people so petty, old-fashioned and unnecessarily bitter??
I am from the South-Western part of Nigeria and in my tribe, the woman's family is responsible for hosting the wedding and engagement party.
I can proudly say that my family only accepted a cow/bull from the groom's family as support and we bought 3 other cows/bulls and paid for every other thing: 2 event venues, entertainment, event coordinators, protocol and security officers, catering and drinks, decorations, photography, videography, transport, and you name it.......I even bought my wedding dress and my hubby's and best-man's shirts with my own money and I have never asked anyone to give me the credits.
What the heck is she going on about?
Anyways, so as to forestall 'in-law enmity/rivalry', I literarily dragged hubby to visit them yesterday.
We arrived unannounced and what can I say?
Pure filth!!!
Everywhere was filthy and littered
We had to shift clothes to be able to sit in the living area.
I could tell she was sorely embarrassed as she kept blaming it on her children and of course she kept picking one piece of clothing after another.
I thought the children also looked unkempt and I am not trying to look down on anyone.
She said there was no food at home and offered to buy us some snacks which we kindly declined.
We didn't stay long and we ended up in traffic so hubby suggested we paid a visit to another sibling.
This time around, we announced we were on our way so as not to embarrass anyone.
Anyways, we met them at home and stayed till late
I thought I had a fun time as we basically talked about everything and anything.
Anyways, as we were leaving, my sister-in-law(S-I-L) dragged me aside.
S-I-L: So are you pregnant?
Me: (Thinking: What the heck!!! Whats your frigging business???!!!) Why?
S-I-L: Because I need to know so I can start making preparations.
Me: What preparations?
S-I-L: Answer me first
Me: (Really Pissed): Please ask my hubby, I can't answer that
S-I-L: Well, this is woman's talk so I can't ask him. That's why I am asking you
Me: Okay, I don't know (I started to move past her)
S-I-L: (Grabs my arm) Are you still seeing your menses?
Me: (stiffly) I don't know
S-I-L: Well, it doesn't matter if you are still seeing your menses
Me: Goodnight
S-I-L: I am talking to you
Me: Please go and ask my husband, I am not saying anything
S-I-L: You better let me know so I will know how to pray for you
Me: (Disgusted) What do you mean?
S-I-L: Ha, so I can know whether to pray God to do it or keep it
Me: Thank you
S-I-L: Which one of the prayers should i pray?
Me: You can pray both. Goodnight
I snatched my hand from her and I felt like turning back to give her the finger but I restrained myself.
I told hubby in the car and he said he was going to call her to warn her never to harass his wife again.
I told him to leave it and let sleeping dogs lie.
Can you imagine the gall, her effrontery!!!
I called my elder sister and she advised I stay away from her as she wasn't too comfortable with what happened.
I mean, I am close to my family and when I saw them last month, no-one pried.
I am driving myself nuts with worry and I am not sure I want to add anyone's over-zealous and nosy concerns to my list of worries..(hiss)
Why is it usually women that bicker and cause troube.
Gosh! I don't wanna be like this lot.
I never wanna do this to anyone....infact I am sure I'll never ever disrespect anybody's privacy like that.
Peeps, what do ye reckon??
Sunday 13 May 2007
I Want A Baby!!!
I want to get pregnant!!
I want a baby!!!
Hubby and I have a very active/intense love life, well we should we've been married barely a year.
Anyways, despite this, I'm not getting preggies.
I have had two false alarms and we were both devastated when the red stain came up.
The red stain is here yet again and I am sore displeased.
I consulted my GP while I was in the UK last week and she said I should relax as most couples get pregnant in 1 or 2 years.
She advised to reduce lovemaking to 2/3times per week so as to allow the sperm settle and fertilise??? before it's washed away by fresh sperm.
She said to allow one full year and if nothing happens, hubby and I should report to the hospital for a series of tests!!
I hope we'll never resort to that in JESUS name.
Most of my friends got preggies during their honeymoon and had their babies within one year of marrying and I dont wanna be different.
I have a lovely marriage, a lovely home, a lovely husband and I just want lovely children, preferably twins to fill the balance.
Maybe, I should stop asking GOD for a set of twins first(lol) and just ask for fruitfulness.
GOD, I just wanna be a mummy!!!!
I told hubby we need to stop making love so intensely and he's not too enthusiastic as I've been away almost two weeks and he's quite starved (lol).
Anyway, we'll start the routine next month, keeping my fingers crossed.
I am so looking forward to motherhood.
Tuesday 8 May 2007
Shopping Spree
Well, my short holiday was fun.
The bridal shower, wedding, meeting old friends, visiting my former place of work and of course shopping till I dropped.
I even shed 5.6kg in less than 2weeks and reminded myself that living in
I enjoyed running up and down the escalators at the tube stations, running to catch the cabs/buses, touring Brent Cross and the
Of course I also had a shopping spree @ Jermyn street, I hold discount cards for a number of shirt-makers and my husband and I are lovers of good shirts.
Of course, I also went to Whitechapel,
These markets are tops for the cheapest bargains in high street clothes for wholesalers and even retailers but they sell without the clothes label.
Also if you missed out on an item from a previous season, it's very likely you'll find it there.
I got two boxes of formal and casual wear, shoes and bags to sell off in
I have a couple of boutiques who buy off me and a number of friends and families who are loyal customers.
Talking about friends, why do some people buy stuff on credit and vanish for months but once they hear you have new stock, they are back with your money and hounding you for new stuff.
I know I have a great taste for clothing so my stuff don't stay in the house for long and I usually sell off my goods with at least a 100% profit if not more. (Lucky me)
I also ran errands for the bride, her groom and my family.
Londoners can so use you. (laughs)
I also babysat my beautiful nephews and nieces, I miss them the most.
Children are so lovely and cuddly and.......trusting too!!!
I also bought chinaware and little bits of decorations and frames for our home.
For the first time in my life, I claimed back VAT.
Of course, a high percentage of the VAT refund was claimed back as admin charges....heck!!
I ended up with 5bags weighing 27kg, 33kg, 36kg, 37kg and 42kg.
I paid excess on four bags...what the heck was I thinking!!!
Anyways, I got into another round of shopping at the duty free shops. I bought 3 wrist-watches, some wine and lots of chocolates. I also splashed on fragrances: DKNY, CK & Issey Miyake.
I absolutely love DKNY & CK Euphoria but hubby loves CK & Issey Miyake fragrances.
I stopped at MAC for a make-over and bought my make-up.
I ended up BURDENED with 3 large Duty-free bags and I forgot my jacket at the cashier's till.
The airline staff were however helpful and got someone to fetch my jacket as there was no way I was going to go back for the jacket with all of that load.
I felt sorry for myself but who knows when I'll be shopping on those familiar streets again???
I really enjoy shopping in
What do you reckon?
Farewell Pastor Eskor
I heard of Pastor Eskor's passing on two nights ago and I was speechless.
Several questions ran through my mind...
GOD why?!!!
How can???
But why????
At what age???
I couldn't think right but GOD knows best and understands.
I did a google search and found some articles.
I found some inspirational but there was a pathetic piece on a website: www.yomisays.com
I had to leave a comment as I couldn't believe people could be so petty and pathetic.
Here's my comment:
In response to my post, yomisays of course paid me some insults(lol). I wasn't even ranting. I found his piece very pathetic and of course he's done more name calling. I wish he understood the meaning of love and that love does not condemn. As a man of GOD, aren't there other ways to address such issues. I am not slightly bothered by him or his antics. I know I'll never have stumbled on his website were it not for Pastor Eskor's passing on and of course, if he has chosen to capitalise on that, I guess that should be none of my business.
Several questions ran through my mind...
GOD why?!!!
How can???
But why????
At what age???
I couldn't think right but GOD knows best and understands.
I did a google search and found some articles.
I found some inspirational but there was a pathetic piece on a website: www.yomisays.com
I had to leave a comment as I couldn't believe people could be so petty and pathetic.
Here's my comment:
Yomi, be careful and judge not for judgement is of the LORD!!!!!
Who told you that these great men died just like that??? GOD is not a GOD of limitations, HE who said ‘NOTHING shall be impossible with HIM’ means long life and even a life without disease is possible. There may be trials, but in all we should rejoice that CHRIST is a CONQUEROR!!!!!
These great men taught what they believed in and healed many. Their teachings touched the lives of many people. Personally, Pastor Eskor was my Pronvicial Pastor and he taught once in my church. His teaching resulted in a turntable for me. His teachings were scriptural and he was filled with the HOLY SPIRIT.
DO not mock his death. He had an opportunity to live again but he chose heaven.
Remember that even our LORD JESUS cried to GOD on the cross but that did not take the death on the cross away. Yomi, you better know there is something called fulfilment.
It is estimated that Christ did not achieve the age of 40 and HE who performed all those miracles, died on a mere wooden cross but he lived a fulfilled life. All these greatmen and women lived fulfilled lives.
These are mighty men you scorned because they died. They may have died by mere disease or illness, but like Christ, they have touched lives and their teachings are still alive.
It takes someone that is spiritually mature to understand that indeed, there is nothing GOD can not do. He can heal, prosper and fulfil and that because these men died, it does not mean that GOD’s will for us to fulfil our years is a lie!
Remember Christ was mobbed many times and men sought to kill HIM before HE fulfilled the Word, but he escaped each time unscathed till it was time for HIM to die. Like CHRIST, these men lived above sickness and death at certain times in their lives, but it is appointed that someday, every man would die to give account of his life. So someday, we would all die.
By faith, I believe I will live long and fulfil my years. I choose to live a life that may displease some men but that would be pleasing to GOD. I choose to live a life where GOD would give me a pat at the end of my years and say: ‘My child, welldone!!!!
We as Christians should stand as one and be comforted that GOD knows best and we can not question HIS Judgement.If these men have died, we should be comforted that they died in CHRIST.
Yomi, I repeat….be careful!!!!
P.S.
This is a comment for your personal attention. I observe it’s subject to moderation, it’s ok if you don’t publish it. Just be careful
In response to my post, yomisays of course paid me some insults(lol). I wasn't even ranting. I found his piece very pathetic and of course he's done more name calling. I wish he understood the meaning of love and that love does not condemn. As a man of GOD, aren't there other ways to address such issues. I am not slightly bothered by him or his antics. I know I'll never have stumbled on his website were it not for Pastor Eskor's passing on and of course, if he has chosen to capitalise on that, I guess that should be none of my business.
Tuesday 1 May 2007
Child Racism?? Renew Your Mind.
My sister-in-law called my mum in tears last week.
Her daughter was refusing to go to school because some girl in her school was constantly taunting her on the colour of her skin.
She said the girl always told her to go and have a wash or tell her mum to give her a good scrub because her skin was too brown.
I was incensed when I heard and even more appalling was the fact that these girls are barely 6years old.
We agreed the matter had to be brought to the attention of the school authorities as it was obviously a case of 'child racism'.
The school was notified and they said the matter would be investigated.
My niece's class teacher expressed surprise as both girls were quite friendly to each other and often paired up together.
This morning, I went to a nearby park with my 1year old nephew.
There were very few people around and I let him have fun running around.
Not long after, a group of six/seven white children were led into the play-area.
My nephew squealed in delight and ran to join them.
They all ran in different directions, with the exception of a baby about his age who held on to his mother's skirt.
I tried to pull my nephew back but he was very delighted to see someone about the same size as him so he went after the baby again.
The baby ran away, a second time and I became very cross and started wondering if children are now taught to discriminate at such tender ages.
I thought the baby was very unfriendly.
On getting back home, I called my sister-in-law and I tearfully narrated what had happened to my innocent nephew.
To my surprise, she said most babies are shy when they meet other babies and it's not unusual for them to cling to their mothers.
She said her daughter's school had just called and advised that her daughter was the only 'dark-skinned African' in the school and the other little girl innocently thought she wasn't getting a good scrub.
The school also apologised and told her not to worry anymore as the case had been dealt with and rectified.
This prompted so many questions in my mind.
I have never personally experienced racism but I am aware it does exist.
However, I have learnt a lesson from children.
Things are not always what they seem................
Her daughter was refusing to go to school because some girl in her school was constantly taunting her on the colour of her skin.
She said the girl always told her to go and have a wash or tell her mum to give her a good scrub because her skin was too brown.
I was incensed when I heard and even more appalling was the fact that these girls are barely 6years old.
We agreed the matter had to be brought to the attention of the school authorities as it was obviously a case of 'child racism'.
The school was notified and they said the matter would be investigated.
My niece's class teacher expressed surprise as both girls were quite friendly to each other and often paired up together.
This morning, I went to a nearby park with my 1year old nephew.
There were very few people around and I let him have fun running around.
Not long after, a group of six/seven white children were led into the play-area.
My nephew squealed in delight and ran to join them.
They all ran in different directions, with the exception of a baby about his age who held on to his mother's skirt.
I tried to pull my nephew back but he was very delighted to see someone about the same size as him so he went after the baby again.
The baby ran away, a second time and I became very cross and started wondering if children are now taught to discriminate at such tender ages.
I thought the baby was very unfriendly.
On getting back home, I called my sister-in-law and I tearfully narrated what had happened to my innocent nephew.
To my surprise, she said most babies are shy when they meet other babies and it's not unusual for them to cling to their mothers.
She said her daughter's school had just called and advised that her daughter was the only 'dark-skinned African' in the school and the other little girl innocently thought she wasn't getting a good scrub.
The school also apologised and told her not to worry anymore as the case had been dealt with and rectified.
This prompted so many questions in my mind.
I have never personally experienced racism but I am aware it does exist.
However, I have learnt a lesson from children.
Things are not always what they seem................
Great Service Attitude
Gosh, I have nearly forgotten what it's like to receive excellent customer service!
I don't want to moan about companies in Naija bcos it seems like I'm beginning to moan about Naija issues all the time.
Well, I bought myself a Nokia N91 Sim-free phone last year and you can imagine how much that cost me as it was quite new in the UK at the time.
Anyways, the phone packed up barely 4months afterwards.
You can imagine what a nightmare that was for me.
I went to the Nokia shop at 'The Palms' (Lagos, Nigeria) and I explained to them that I bought the phone while in the UK and it was still protected by warranty etc.
The lady I spoke with, took her time to admire the phone while I was speaking to her and asked: 'Did you buy it here????'
I wanted to scream: 'Are you deaf?????' but I calmly said no
I was told 'we only do sales, no repairs'.
I thanked her and asked politely if she or someone in the shop could direct me to a Nokia Service Centre, as Nokia is boldly displayed in front of the shop and the answer was a sharp: 'No, madam, we only sell brand new Nokia phones'
Whoa! Well, I walked into Carphone Warehouse @ Islington and an Asian bloke said he was sorry to hear my phone was bad. He advised me there was a service centre within 2-minutes walk and drew the directions for me on a piece of paper and I did not even buy the phone from them!!!!
'I am sure they can fix it for you' he said reassuringly.
I actually left the shop with a bounce and in good spirits.
Now the difference between customer service and excellent customer service is: Going the Extra Mile and minding your damn business!!!
If you can't fix the problem, you direct the customer to someone who can and you listen so you can attend to the customer quickly and not waste anybody's time!!!!!
I think Nigerian companies could do better if they took time out to train their staff and make them understand that the 'Customer is King'
What business would thrive without customers???!!
It really doesn't cost a thing to be nice.
It doesn't even hurt to help or put a smile on someone's face.
Do you reckon I'm losing it???
Well, I must mention I have received nothing but exceptional service from the 'Starcomms Data Centre' ie their call centre.
Those chaps are very conversational without being patronising and they always sound cheerful even when all I wanna do is moan about my Internet service.
Go Starcomms!!!!
I don't want to moan about companies in Naija bcos it seems like I'm beginning to moan about Naija issues all the time.
Well, I bought myself a Nokia N91 Sim-free phone last year and you can imagine how much that cost me as it was quite new in the UK at the time.
Anyways, the phone packed up barely 4months afterwards.
You can imagine what a nightmare that was for me.
I went to the Nokia shop at 'The Palms' (Lagos, Nigeria) and I explained to them that I bought the phone while in the UK and it was still protected by warranty etc.
The lady I spoke with, took her time to admire the phone while I was speaking to her and asked: 'Did you buy it here????'
I wanted to scream: 'Are you deaf?????' but I calmly said no
I was told 'we only do sales, no repairs'.
I thanked her and asked politely if she or someone in the shop could direct me to a Nokia Service Centre, as Nokia is boldly displayed in front of the shop and the answer was a sharp: 'No, madam, we only sell brand new Nokia phones'
Whoa! Well, I walked into Carphone Warehouse @ Islington and an Asian bloke said he was sorry to hear my phone was bad. He advised me there was a service centre within 2-minutes walk and drew the directions for me on a piece of paper and I did not even buy the phone from them!!!!
'I am sure they can fix it for you' he said reassuringly.
I actually left the shop with a bounce and in good spirits.
Now the difference between customer service and excellent customer service is: Going the Extra Mile and minding your damn business!!!
If you can't fix the problem, you direct the customer to someone who can and you listen so you can attend to the customer quickly and not waste anybody's time!!!!!
I think Nigerian companies could do better if they took time out to train their staff and make them understand that the 'Customer is King'
What business would thrive without customers???!!
It really doesn't cost a thing to be nice.
It doesn't even hurt to help or put a smile on someone's face.
Do you reckon I'm losing it???
Well, I must mention I have received nothing but exceptional service from the 'Starcomms Data Centre' ie their call centre.
Those chaps are very conversational without being patronising and they always sound cheerful even when all I wanna do is moan about my Internet service.
Go Starcomms!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
