Friday, 29 June 2007

Why Am I Crying?

I got out of bed this morning to make breakfast for hubby and I just started crying uncontrollably.
I sat on the plastic stool in my kitchen and just cried.
No provocation, just self pity.
I'm bored and lonely and sick of staying home and playing housewife and not getting preggers.
I cried my eyes out and then put four slices of bread in the toaster.
I microwaved a can of baked beans with dry pepper and garlic and I made two cups of Ginger tea.
And then I went back to bed to continue crying.
Hubby got out of the shower and started dressing up so I tried to stop crying but the traitorous tears wont stop.

Hubby: Babes, what's wrong?

I was crying so hard that I was almost chocking.
I am such an emotional mess!
Hubby held me while I cried my heart out and then I apologised and told him not to mind me but he won't have that, so i told him: I'm bored and lonely and jobless and just fed up.

Hubby: Is it my fault?

Me: No, no, not at all. I just woke up from the wrong side of bed.

Hubby: No, it means that's what you've been thinking about.

Me: Babes, please just drop it

Hubby: Do you want to look into getting an office space to start something...

Me: Not yet. I am a career person. I'll like to make a name in the industry before retiring to start my own 'thing'

Hubby: I just feel you're blaming me somehow, maybe for bringing you back home

Me: I swear I'm not....I'll never but the boredom is just creeping into my veins and making me cry.

It was raining outside.
We sat together hugging and then kissing and then ___doing the 'making-babies techniques' (lol) and then we held each other and slept off till past 900am when NEPA struck.
Hubby was EXTREMELY late for work and breakfast was cold.
Hubby grumbled about all these 'ajebutter' food as we ate breakfast.
And then I started crying and saying it'll be just me @ home after hubby left....
I couldn't stop crying and it annoyed me even more so i kept asking hubby: Why can't I stop crying? What's wrong with me?

Poor hubby just looked confused and asked; Should I stay home?

I shook my head in reply.

Hubby: Do you want to meet up for lunch?

No! No! I just wanna cry....

Hubby: But it's not like you got a job and I said don't work....

Me: Stop it! Stop it!!

So I went to the room to cry some more and hubby just stood watching me.
And I slept off and didnt even know when hubby left for work.
I've called hubby to apologise but he's not picking.
I'm sure he's upset and I'm really cross with myself....
Or is this a form of depression?
I'm scared of me.....
What do you reckon?

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

I'm A Wonderful Wife

I made oats porridge for hubby yesterday morning before he left for work.
He called me in the afternoon because he wasn't too sure about what to have for lunch.
I suggested fish and salad.
Hubby: You better be serious, babes. Right now, I'm thinking yam porridge or amala.
Me: Maybe amala with ewedu and fish, please mind the salt
Hubby: Amala is solid
Me: So is yam porridge but amala is lighter
Hubby: Okay

I sent Mr P out to buy fuel for the car and the generators, he was gone all day so I was stuck at home.
I made fish sauce with chopped fresh peppers and onions.
I added one knorr cube and salt for taste and put about two teaspoons of garlic powder....and honestly, it tasted all right, no curry, thyme, tumeric or puree
I called hubby @ six to ask if he wanted macaroni or spaghetti for dinner.
Hubby laughed and said he'ld call me back to let me know.

He called @ about 800pm, he was @ the clinic and his BP was 140/90, it had gone up a bit and the doctor was suggesting his high BP might have been caused by work-related stress.
Hubby: Babes, I'm really you still have vegetable soup in the freezer?
Me: Yep! But I've made fish sauce for pasta
Hubby: Babes, me I can't eat pasta, I need something solid, like eba. I'm very hungry!
Me: Pasta will do, babes.

Hubby did not eat pasta.
He ate eba with vegetable soup and my fish sauce, I had Golden Morn cereal.
I've told hubby I might have to start locking my store and freezers to enforce our new timetable.
Isn't it hilarious...we agreed on solid food thrice a week and he's had solids twice in one day and it's only Tuesday.
After his eba, hubby was too tired to do any exercise and I barely managed 7minutes on the cross trainer.....*Sigh*
I didn't hear the alarm so I couldn't make him breakfast but he had cereal and fish sauce and left the plates on my dining table.
I really need to start locking my kitchen...

BTW, last night in bed, after_____, hubby said: Babes, you are a wonderful wife.
Me(Kiss): You're a wonderful hubby too
Hubby: I mean it
I smiled.
Hubby: You know, when I decided to marry you, it was because I loved everything about you. I never knew that you could be so caring...You really stood by me during my brief illness and you kept it between us, you didn't blab to anyone. Babes, I'm honoured and I love you even more now
Me: (Smiling sheepishly, ooops, I told my blog) Would you do the same for me?
Hubby: I swear, I'll do even more. Thanx babes.
Me: Will you say it on a cake.
Hubby: No cakes, remember we're dieting

After hubby had slept off, I remembered how I had stayed beside him all day, not eating or drinking because I was fasting and how I stroked his back when the IV shots were administered slowly and how I jumped for joy each time the BP reading went lower and I smiled.....
Yeaman! Me is a very good wifee and I've been blessed with a wonderful hubby.....

Dinner is boiled plantain with vegetables....(lol) and I'm gonna ensure hubby eats ti.
I'm off to buy some fruits: pineapple and watermelon

My First UK Shopping Experience

I joined mum in the UK in 1992 when I was 14.
My JAMB score had been too low to secure a university admission.
Mum gave me £300 to get a new wardrobe and winter clothing, it was a lot of money then..
She asked a friend if her 'fashionable daughter' could take me to the shops.
Miss Fashionable: (MF)’ arrived looking smashing: nice clothes, knee-length boots….
Mum gave her some 'transport money' and told her to help maximize my £300 shopping money.
She sounded like ‘oyibo’ to my bush self and when I tried to speak my own oyibo too, she said I sounded like an Indian and asked if I attended an Indian school back home?
That was quite embarrassing and I felt hurt afterall, I had an A1 in English Language so I shut my mouth.
We took the bus 73, then a routemaster, to Oxford Circus.

MF: (as we entered House of Fraser) I do most of my shopping here.
I thought wow! and I was eager to start shopping.
I almost tripped on the elevator as I looked at the splendor around me.
We finally arrived at the clothing section after some meandering.
MF: This is their winter range. Oh this jacket looks lovely! (It's a black leather looking jacket) And it's so cheap, just £300….....How much do you have again?
Me: £300
MF: Why not take this jacket, it’s on sale.
Me: But that's all the money I have for a new wardrobe
MF: (hiss) This jacket is top quality, designer made. It's unique and it'll last you for years!!! It is a very good buy!
Me: I'm also hoping I can buy boots and some turtle-neck sweaters.
MF: What??!!
I repeated myself.
MF: Can you talk slowly. I can't understand you
I repeated myself yet again, feeling deeply humiliated.
MF: Oh! Okay. Look around and let me know if there's anything u want.
Me: Is this where you bought your jacket?
MF: Hell no! I bought this one in Harrods.
Me: Can we go there?
MF: Trust me, it’s nowhere near £300

Eventually, I chose a navy blue knee length wool top-coat that wasn't all that.
It cost me £185 and it was hideous!
At Topshop, I bought a pair of knee-length, patent skin, stiletto-heeled boots for £65 and a pair of blue corduroy bottoms for £25
At Selfridges, I bought a dirty, blue turtle-neck sweater on clearance sale for £24.
I despised mum for humiliating me with her miserly £300.
On getting home, mum looked at my shopping and asked MF: House of Fraser? Selfridges? With £300?

MF said she had to hurry but mum insisted she stayed while we went through my shopping and did she yell when she saw my ‘lavish spending’
MF insisted I had selected everything myself and the shops were on sale.
MF’s oyibo’ accent had suddenly disappeared.
Mum asked for my receipts and I told her MF had said we didn’t need them so we didn’t have any and couldn't return the goods.
Mum was F-U-R-I-O-U-S!
She called MF’s Mum on speaker phone.

Mum: My friend, I didn’t even ask where your daughter does her shopping
MF’s Mum: MF ke, you know she works with charity. She knows all the second-hand markets and charity shops in this London and she can bargain well well but I told her to ask your daughter if she doesn’t mind 2nd hand first……..
Mum: Ehn, ehn. What of Selfridges et al?
MF’s Mum: Nooooo. All those charity shops sell designers oh, maybe just secondhand but they sell correct designers that sisi(s) {young gals} like.

Mum proceeded to report her daughter to her.
The woman was gobsmacked and apologized profusely.
MF was shedding crocodile tears and begging mum on her knees in Yoruba.
Mum said she had asked her to go with me so she could help me pick the things in vogue and she should have let her know that it wasn’t convenient.
Mum, MF and I went back to Oxford Street but there wasn’t much we could do as we didn’t have any receipts.
The sales assistants even helped check the bins behind the counter for the receipts but we didn't find anything.

MF & her mum came over the next day, apologizing yet again.
MF’s Mum explained MF was probably trying to show off and that she didn’t mean any harm.
She gave me €100.
Mum took a day off work to show me around Haringey: Florentyna Village, Wood Green, Green Lanes and u shoulda seen what I bought with 100quid.

MF, her sister and I became really close (3 Musketeers) and we laugh every time we remember how MF posed and made me waste my mum's precious money.
I was on MF's bridal train when she got married in 2003 and her first daughter bears my English name.
So be very careful who you ask to show you around a new country or you might fall into the hands of show-offs like MF (lol)

Peeps, come to think of it, why do girls like posing(showing off/being fake) ?
I can be very down-to-earth oh but if I pose for you.......

BTW, I never wore the sweater and those boots had killer heels, so I only wore them a couple of times,,,,,,what a waste!

Monday, 25 June 2007

Mermaid or Manmade?

What do you reckon peeps?
Here's a link to where I found the pics:

Sunday, 24 June 2007

Staying Healthy

Peeps, I am sorry if the last post upset any of you.
It just shows how careless some so-called professionals can be.
BTW, how could I have forgotten...
While at the hospital, hubby suggested I should do a medical check too.
So I checked my BP: 120/80......Good!
My Weight: 86kg/189.6lb
BMI: 33.6, which implies 1st Class obesity!!!!
My ideal weight should be 141lb, 64kg!
I am carrying 22kg extra weight, darn!!!!
I am totally ashamed of myself, I was 75kg last November in the UK and my doctor warned me that I was very overweight!
I have since gained an extra 11kg in less than a year....oh damn!
Hubby's BMI is 27.4 also overweight but not obese.
I am awaiting the result of my cholesterol and blood sugar test.
Hubby and I are working together by exercising more and improving our diets.
Our immediate actions are:

No more red meat (especially suya....)
No more pastries/ice-cream
No more fried food
No alcohol
Very light breakfast. So far: oats, custard and cereal
No more sandwich toast
Pop up toasts allowed once a week, with no butter!
Solid food allowed thrice a week only: - poundo, eba, amala etc
Small portion lunch
Very light dinner, no more solid food @ night
At least 30mins/1hour exercise daily. So far: 1hr stroll on Thursday, 21minutes fast walking(uphill and downhill) on Friday and 15minutes on the cross trainer yesterday.

We are drawing up a food timetable, any suggestion(s) would be helpful.
Hubby's not liking this at all but he's been a good sport.
I have minimised salt, spices and cooking oil to the barest minimum
My food ain't that sweet anymore uuggghhh.

Check up

11am Friday, hubby's BP after taking medication: 130/90
7pm Friday, hubby's BP before medication: 160/100
We are seeing the doctor again today @ 2pm.
I am positive his BP would be back to normal again,
I love my hubby and I am sure he's gonna be okay.
Thank GOD for this NLC strike, it really helped hubby and me.....

Bad Health Scare Part II

I don't know if I should share this, cos it's no business of mine.....I've really thought deep about sharing it and I hate being the bearer of bad news but peeps please don't use just any hospital in this Lagos!!!! Please, I beg you, there are killer doctors.........

We were waiting at the hospital's accounts department to pick or bill when four people rushed in to the reception area: a middle-aged woman carrying a baby(LCTB), wrapped in a beautiful pink shawl, a young woman(YW) and two men(M1 & M2).
I heard snatches of conversation.
The lady carrying the baby(LCTB) asked in a rushed voice for the medical director.
Receptionist: The MD has closed for the day but other doctors are on duty.

LCTB: I just called him, he said he's on his way.

Please sit down, I'll call him

A nurse walked into reception area and smiled as she saw LCTB: Ah you've brought us a baby. She went to check the baby and I saw an alarmed look on her face.
She said something I didn't hear, LCTB nodded, she was dancing from one foot to the other nervously.

Next thing, the nurse dashed upstairs, two doctors, dashed down with her and rushed past us with the four to the 'Emergency Area' just across us.
The lady at accounts asked to be excused as she went in there too, she dashed out soon after and ran to the reception area.
Accounts Lady to Receptionist: Have you spoken to the MD?

Receptionist: He's on his way

Hubby: I think they have an emergency. I hope that baby is alright.

Next thing, the MD ran past us into the emergency area.
By now, I knew the poor baby was in danger.
I was yet to break my fast and I started praying for this baby I didn't know, hoping GOD would hear my cry and save the poor child.
Shortly after, the young woman(YW), part of the four, came out with one of the men they arrived with(M1). The lady was holding her chin in her hand and shaking her head.

YW: Ha! If only you had taken the one-way, she was still breathing oooooooH. Ah! Who is going to call her mother now? Ah! Yeeee! Ah! Ah!

I wanted to ask if the baby was okay but I couldn't even bring myself to speak.
The two doctors on duty emerged from the emergency room trying hard to keep their faces expressionless

I heard the MD say: How can a surgeon perform a surgery without oxygen. He's a murderer. That doctor is a murderer. How can someone bear a baby to full term, nine whole months and then you let this happen! That man is worse than a killer. All this baby needed was oxygen! Just oxygen.....

He walked out, the LCTB and M2 followed, with the nurse, the baby was left on the hospital bed.
LCTB was led to a seat in the reception, nobody was crying but you could tell from their expression they were not happy

M2: Should I call the child's mum?

LCTB: To tell her what? Somebody that just gave birth. Do you want to kill her? Nobody should call her oh. Nobody should call her......Just leave her alone. (To M1) You are not without blame oh, because if you had taken that one-way we would have gotten here sooner......but you are very stubborn. See what you have caused....Which LASTMA monitors one-way at midnight?

MD reappeared and gives LCTB a card: Call this number to report. If you need any assistance let me know. I mean that doctor can't be left to continue doing this. This is the third time I am having this type of emergency!! Careless doctors performing surgery without backup oxygen. I mean no matter how good you are, things can go wrong and you need to be prepared.....I will never perform surgery without sufficient oxygen. It's murder!

The lady at accounts reappeared with a straight face.
Accounts lady: Sorry for keeping you waiting.

Hubby: Sure. Is the baby okay.

She made a slight movement with her head that didn't say yes or no.
Hubby didn't push because we know it's professionally wrong to discuss other patients.
I could see the a pink cap, covering the baby's hed and the pink shawl lay around the baby.
The baby was not crying and I didn't need anyone to tell me the poor child had passed away.
I wondered if the baby had been gasping when she was born and during the drive to the hospital.
We picked our bill and walked into the reception area.

I said to the YW, who was still standing: Sit down sister. It is well
Like a robot, she sat down and sighed.
As we walked out of the hospital, I understood really that there's only a thin line between life and death
Just one breath of oxygen! Just one breath, just one moment, and that baby would have had a naming ceremony next Wednesday!
As for that killer surgeon, I hope that family won't let him go just like that.
If hubby and I hadn't gone to the hospital to check his BP that Wednesday......GOD forbid!!!

Thursday, 21 June 2007

Bad Health Scare

I apologise for just replying/acknowledging your comments on my last post, please forgive me.
I reckon some Nigerians have been enjoying the imposed NLC strike.
Sadly, hubby and I have had a bad health scare!
So bad was the scare that hubby was placed on admission in our family hospital.
It all started on Tuesday when hubby returned from work.
He said he had to go to the clinic @ work because he had a pounding headache.
He was told his Blood Pressure was very high and he had to rest and take some medication.
He wasn't feeling any better on Wednesday so we drove to the clinic to check his BP, the nurse took her time checking and rechecking, then she went to get a colleague to recheck.
I was fasting, the last day of 3days fasting.
The nurses started whispering: 'What did you get?' 'No, tell me what you got first' 'What I got is very high'......
Hubby snapped: What did u get?
Nurse 1: 210/140
Nurse 2: That's what I got too and it's dangerously high sir. You'll have to see the doctor.

I dint understand what they were talking about, so I chatted with hubby as we waited for the doctor who called us in not long after.

Doctor: Good afternoon, Mr O and Mrs O? (Me: Yes). Please take a seat. I am going to have to check your BP again as what I have here is dangerously high. Infact, some people have stroke on 180/90 (Alarm Bells!!!!), if this BP is correct, then I am going to place you on admission immediately and monitor you till evening....Mmmmmh, indeed it's 210/140. Excuse me..(He made a call and gave orders for some intravenous injections to be prepared and taken to a ward for Mr O)Mr O, do you drink alcohol or smoke?

I drink occassionally

He used to drink and smoke heavily a few years ago

Are you urinating normally?

(to me) I guess so? (I nodded)

Doc: Have u been under any stress/pressure from home? Work? Change of environment?.....


Doc: Any medication?

Hubby: No, just occasional painkillers and i saw a doctor yesterday who prescribed Lexotan because my BP was high

Doc: You made a good decision by coming to check again. I am placing u on admission straightaway. There' no way you can leave the hospital in this condition...but there's no cause for alarm, high BP is a very manageable condition, there are drugs that can help you, okay?

We nodded

Doc: We are also going to do 3 tests: diabetes, cholesterol and electrolytes, Sodium precisely. In the mean time, you have to cut down on salt, fatty foods and exercise more

I tried hard not to panic as I thought: High Blood Pressure? Stroke? Where from?
Hubby was checked into a ward and the first intravenous injection was administered. His BP was checked after 10mins: 190/130 still high.
The second shot was administered. His BP after 10mins was: 186/120, still high
The third shot was administered. His BP after 10mins was 180/110
The fourth shot was administered. His BP after 10mins 176/100

The doctor said hubby could relax till evening.
He was going to be placed on medication.
He insisted hubby had to exercise more and cut down on fatty foods, salt, caffeine and alcohol and that I should help as much as I can.

We were discharged at 10:47pm, and while we were waiting to pay our bill, something terrible happened.
Hubby is okay, thank GOD but there's a thin line between life and death and u won't believe how careless some doctors are.
This month of June should just go away.......

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Tearful Wedding: Jerry Springer Style

Peeps, it was chAOS! CHAos!! AND ChaoS !!! at the wedding!
It all started after church.
We were gathered outside for photographs with the couple.
When it was the Bride's parents' turn, an elderly man dressed in white lace joined the couple.
Bestman called: Bride's mother!!! Bride's mother please!!!!
A lady appeared, the bride's mum.
She was with another man who wore the same lace with her.
I heard her say to the bestman in an unpleasant voice: Tell that man to leave.
The bestman looked confused as he spoke quietly with the old man, who stood adamantly beside the bride.

Next thing, the bride's mum marched aggressively towards the man in white lace, grabbed his agbada and started pushing him and yelling: What are you doing here? What are you looking for?
Man: What won't I be doing here? I am the bride's father? Leave me alone, jo.

Brides's Mum: (pushing the man) Which bride's father? Where have you been for the last twenty years? How much have you given her since you sent us parking in 1987? Do you know how she has been feeding? What she has been wearing or how she went to school? This is my day of glory and I would not share it with you!!! Oloshi! Oloriburuku (Ill fated person)! Were (Lunatic)! Ko ni daa fun eh (Curse for bad luck)! O ni kuuure (Curse for terrible death/calamity)

Bride's Dad: (Pushing back) Ashewo! Ashewo! (Prostitute!) Alainiteju! (Shameless person!) You are shouting now. Was it not because I caught you sleeping with that fool (points at the other man) that I sent you packing?
People physically and forcefully separated the warring parents but could not hush them.

Bride's Mum: Get out of here! Did you pay a kobo for this ceremony? Pauper! I will show you today.
Next thing, in super fast forward mode, she throws off her headgear and her wrapper and shoes followed amidst pleas from the guests.
Somehow, she wriggled thru the crowd and grabbed the bride's father.
They both landed on the wet floor, struggling, slapping, hitting, biting....just fighting, damn!.
The bride's mum ripped her struggling ex husband's agbada and soiled her heavy lace but she was beyond caring.

Her new husband tried to pull his wife off: Otito! Maa bo! (That's enough, come with me!) and before anyone could say Jack Robinson, the two hubby's were exchanging words and then blows.
I didn't see how that started because I was watching the bride.
She was crying and begging them to stop and I was crying with her cos I'm very emotional (thank u) & I thought noone deserves this.
The tears ran over her makeup and dotted her white dress with brown stains.
She threw off her veil and her bouquet and tried to grab her mum.

Bride: Mummy! Mummy! Today is my day of joy! Please stop it! It's just a picture, now! Mummy please!!!

The groom's family stood at a distance, looking disgusted/embarrassed???? at least that's what I saw.
I thought the groom should have been consoling his bride but I guess he was shocked like everybody.
The groom's mother also tried to separate the pair: 'Mama Iyawo, it's me now. Look at me. Please now. Please now' and when that didn't work she asked: 'She ka ma lo ni' meaning "Should we leave?"
Guests: "You people stop this at least for your child's sake!" "HAba respect yourselves now" "It's her day of joy why are you ruining it." "What kind of thing is this?" "Ahhhh, this is the devil oh." "It's the devil!!"
Eventually, they tore the three of them apart.

Bride's Mum: I came prepared for you, don't let me see you at the reception because this is only Part 1. *Curses* *Expletives*
Bride's Dad: *Curses* Expletives*

Of course by now, their heavy laces were soiled, the bride was inconsolable and the wedding mood had been ruined.
The crowd urged the bride's father to pray for his daughter and leave, so he won't be responsible for ruining this day.
He insisted he could not let that worthless man sit in his place as his daughter's father except he's dead.
He eventually agreed to pray for his daughter and leave but the bride didn't want to see anyone. The man prostrated on the floor in his white lace and begged his daughter for forgiveness.
She finally opened the car door and let him pray for her and then he left with slumped shoulders, in his now soiled and ragged lace.

And I pitied him and I cried for him too.
Hubby found me crying and said: I knew my wife would be crying, come with me...

The bride's mother reappeared with her husband in another lace attire, obviously she came prepared for battle as she was still cursing and threatening fire if her ex-hubby shows up @ reception and she did not look one bit remorseful....
Although the bride and groom took pictures, the mood had been ruined as the bride kept crying and the groom kept frowning...they just couldn't smile
As we left for reception, I couldn't help wondering what type of woman would ruin a day like this and not be sorry.
Most brides look forward to their weddings and it's supposedly a once in a lifetime affair and nobody has the right to ruin it, no matter what.
Or what do u reckon peeps? much drama.....

BTW, I'm thru with Dude, the ignoramus!

Saturday, 16 June 2007

Me, A Masseuse

I just got out of's 10:47am.
We slept without electricity cos our generator's not working but the night was cool so it wasn't too bad.
I tried to get outta bed at about 900am but hubby threw his arm over me and drew me back.
He was lying on his back so I decided to give him a thorough massage.
I straddled him and began giving him a gentle massage.
He sighed contentedly.....
I started with his neck, then his shoulders, his back & sides, his waist to his bum, his thighs and girly calves(lol) and I finished with his ankles.
He was fast asleep by the time I was through....and I also collapsed at his side and slept.
Never knew a massage could be so tasking.....

By the way, I've got 9 Missed calls on my mobile, 4 Private numbers & 5 from a number that looks like Dude's.
I've decided to tell hubby about Dude before I do anything.
Anyways, I'm going to shower now, it's hubby's friend's wedding. I think it's going to be grand.
It's holding at a posh venue in Ikoyi @ 11am
Got to rush!

Friday, 15 June 2007

Apology Accepted

That's my cake (lol)
Poor hubby was even more embarrassed when he went to pick the cake.
The lady @ the counter asked loudly: Oga why did you serve alcohol, now?
And heads turned.
He’s threatened to have his pound of flesh.....I'm shaking.......!
Well I'm off to pick our generator technician.
Our generator's been giving us a lot of headache and he's advised us to buy a smaller one as standby.
He calls it: 'I Better Pass My Neighbour' and it's commonly used in small businesses.
Its fuel consumption is low and so is its output.
I guess it's not a bad suggestion, considering the NLC strike scheduled to start Monday.....
Nice Weekend everyone......
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Tuesday, 12 June 2007

Hubby's Been Fined

One of the rules we have in our home is: No serving of alcohol to guests.
Some of hubby’s friends dropped by today and hubby served Baileys.
I had gone to wash my hair at the hairdressers and I decided to blow-dry instead of sitting under the steaming drier so I was back home sooner than expected.
I caught them by surprise as I decided to use the kitchen entrance.
My displeasure was clearly registered on my face as I said: Hello!
Hubby got up with his glass and said: Babes, I told them it was against the house rules but they insisted on breaking the rule.
Me: (firmly) Peeps! I am sorry, we don't serve alcohol in this house.


I took the bottle of Baileys and dropped it in the kitchen.
Our bestman, was one of the culprits and he had followed me to the kitchen.
Bestman: I apologise on behalf of everybody, please, we are sorry. Your husband offered us the drink as take-away but guys just wanted to be nutty. Please, I can see you are steaming but it's our fault.
Me: Thank you, please empty your glass into the sink.
I was surprised that he complied and told the others too to stop drinking.
I locked myself in the bedroom till they left quietly not long after.

Hubby washed the glasses and joined me in the room afterwards.
He said he had told them it was against the rules and they said what rules?
They teased him and said his wife was controlling him.
He offered them the drink as 'take-away' but they won't have it, they wanted to break the rule.
I wasn't at home so he agreed they could have a quick drink.

He’s been fined!
He’s to get a cake with : Honey, I’m sorry I broke the rules & served Alcohol.
He’s been begging me to consider some other punishment as it would be too embarrassing to order a cake with those words and even worse, he can’t send anyone cos it’ll make him a laughing stock.
But I’m not bending.
I hope the humiliation would serve as a deterrent against serving booze in our home in future.


Hubby’s been to the cake shop and he was told to reduce the words.
He said the shop assistants are having a laugh and thanked me for embarrassing him.
I told him to tell them to bake a cake that would accommodate the words, then I changed my mind and said: 'Honey, I'm Sorry I Served Booze' would be fine.
Do u reckon I should bake a reply-cake…..with words….Apology Accepted?!!
Nah, no reply cake, cos I'm gonna be eating the cake alone anyways.
I'll take a picture........maybe I'll post it so u'll see........

Saturday, 9 June 2007

Bachelor's Party

Yup! I won and we went together.
Hubby's warning: No alcohol! Be careful with the guys, you know how they can be at BEs. No dancing with anyone I don't know (laughs). And we leave when I am ready
Me: Okay
Hubby: I know u r up to some mischief
Me: I swear I'm not.

To be honest, I really didn't want to go but being scotophobic and autophobic, I hate the thought of being by myself especially @ night.
The dress code was 'a touch of white' but I decided to go all white in a white tiered skirt and a white sleeveless top from Littlewoods.
I had planned to wear it during our honeymoon but I never did.
I accessorised with a big, white studded belt and white diamante jewellery and of my wedding shoes!!! (I bought 3pairs and wore two)
I had dressed up while hubby was having a shower and shave.

Hubby: Babes, you have to change. Please save this dress for another occasion.
Me: Awwww! I have been dying to wear it. I've had it since November!
Hubby: (Kiss) Please babes, maybe u can wear it on our wedding anniversary, so u'll look like a bride again.....
Me: Mmmh! Good idea!
So off went my attire and I began to search for something else to wear.
I sooooo hate having to cook up an outfit at the last minute!!!!
Typical of moi, after 3/4 changes, I finally decided on white, three-quarters linen bottom with a red and white cap-sleeved top.
I didn't like the look but hubby said I looked yummy!

Hubby wore brown cargo pants with a white and blue Tommy t-shirt, yummy!
My hubby's a bloke!
Well, the party was typical booze, drinks, semi-naked babes, loud music and noise.
To be honest, I was quite bored, I'm not the best of dancers, you see.
I stayed seated at the bar till some guy (I'll call him Dude) asked me to dance.
I danced stiffly and off-tune and he asked if I wanted to do something else.
We sat by the pool side and made conversation till way past 3am when hubby grabbed me from behind and kissed me on the lips in a way that could only mean: She's mine!

Dude said he's been really unlucky with gals and the girl he's dating now is 35, married at 18, has 4daughters, lives alone while her hubby and the kids live in the US. She's never been granted a visa.....peculiar.
Me: I'm sure her hubby's married to someone else in the US but you've got no business dating her.
He said he knows, but she's available and the affair's lasted over 4years and though he can't marry her, he hasn't found anyone yet.
I advised him to let her go before something drastic happens.
@ 0237am, Hubby sent me a text: Babes, I hope your guy knows you are married. I'm watching you oh!
I turned back and waved: That's my hubby!!! Dude waved too.

I felt really sleepy at about 0300am and Dude said I could sleep, he'll watch over me
Now, don't trust a guy like that cos back in Uni when I did, I woke up to feel the guy toying with my boobies and saying he was sorry it was the devil!
We exchanged numbers and agreed to keep in touch.

Hubby and I danced to Lagbaja and Beyonce and agreed to leave @ 4am.
As we were leaving, Dude walked up to me and said he was glad he met me, hubby looked jealous (lol)
He said something else but I didn’t quite hear him so he said he’ll text me.

I got this text Saturday morning: I am attracted 2 u & I think it’s mutual……cos we really connected....xxxx Dude.
What??? I didn’t reply and he texted me again Sunday: I can’t stop thinkin about u. I think I av fallen in luv wit u. Can I call u? xxxxx Dude
I deleted the message and his number and then regretted it.
What do u reckon peeps?
I’m not sure I wanna talk to this dude and I’m not too sure I should tell hubby…I’m just confused.
Dude appeared to be a normal, nice guy but it seems he gets his fun off dating married gals???
I reckon I shoulda stayed home with my phobias…..

Thursday, 7 June 2007

My First Sweet Revenge

It was my first year in senior class.
I was dressed in my brand new uniform and I had been chosen to welcome the new juniors to school.
I answered questions from concerned parents politely and showed the new students the way to the dormitories.
The day was drawing to an end when I felt someone staring at me.
I turned and lo and behold, it was the ugly face of Ms Ukoh, now older and looking wretched. She was wearing her trademark ugly smile, baring those hideous fangs and beckoning at me to come. I stared hard at her without moving.

Ms Ukoh: Pssssss! Pssssss! Come! You! You! Call that senior for me.
I stayed rooted to my appointment post thinking: What's wrong with saying, 'Excuse me!' to catch somebody's attention? Why hiss like a snake?
It wasn’t long before Ms Ukoh pushed me in the process of tapping me
Ms Ukoh: I have been calling you and you are not answering
Me: (boldly and loudly) What?!! What do you want from me?!!
Ms Ukoh: (grabs a little girl, a splitting image of her ugly self and she smiled): This is my daughter, she's a new student and I want you to take care of her like your sister, ehn. I want you to be her school mother.
Me: (First I hissed, then I laughed and slapped my hands together Naija style) Nonsense! In your dreams! Have you forgotten what you did to me in school? You might have forgotten oh but it is still fresh in my memory. You witch! You are still as ugly as ever. As for your daughter, come and force me to be her schoolmother. Schoolmother ko, schoolmother ni. *Hiss*
(I turned to the daughter who was smiling expectantly): You better scram from my front before I send you flying.

That said, I walked away from them, shoving her daughter outta my way.
Phew! And it felt so good, you see, in them days, it was an eye for an eye.
I walked over to some of my classmates and gave them the lowdown on the evil teacher.
They asked: Where is she?! Where is the daughter?
I pointed them out
Friends: We are going to deal with her.
And did they deal with her!
The stupid girl actually sought me out one Friday afternoon to report some seniors that were always punishing her to me.
I asked her if it was my business and she answered: My mummy said u should take care of me ooh, I will tell my mummy that u are not taking care of me.
Me: What you should tell your mummy is that she should stop being wicked to people. Kneel down there! Shirts anyone?
I got 18shirts for her to wash and return dried and ironed before the next day.
Everytime I saw her, she was always in trouble and even when I could plead on her behalf, I turned a blind eye.
My friends and I made sure she had the worst morning duties ever and nobody liked her, nobody even wanted her as a school-daughter.

Everytime I saw her, I made sure there was a reason to punish her or send her on a long errand, and I didn't have to look hard cos she was so dirty!
One visiting Sunday, Ms Ukoh was in the hostels to confront some seniors that were 'victimising' her daughter and did they give it to her! She left looking frustrated and talking to herself.
I was so excited as her sins were obviously being visited on her daughter.
I left the school at the end of the year and Ms Ukoh never had the gall to confront me, even though I showed her daughter hell!

Endnote: Life is not fair, vengeance is the Lord's.
I felt guilty reading through this post but I was young and like I said, it was the days of : An Eye For An Eye!!

Monday, 4 June 2007

Bachelor's Eve

Now, hubby's childhood friend is getting hitched 16th June.
The groom-to-be has been living abroad for three years and just returned to Naija for his wedding.
You should hear him talk, you know what it's like when you try to force an accent?
He talks really funny but this post is not about him. (lol)
It's about my hubby, a ****married man**** who has been made one of the co-ordinators of the bachelor's eve.
Now, hubby being an event co-ordinator's not a problem at all, he likes partying.
The issue is, hubby's asked for permission to party away next Friday.
And my answer? - NO!!! We either go together or stay at home.
What's a married man even supposed to be doing @ a 'BACHELORS' party.
What do you reckon peeps?
Should married men attend bachelors' eve parties?
Hubby says, many of those that attended his own BE were married friends & that the purpose of the party is for married and unmarried friends to send off the groom-to-be.
I reckon there shouldn't be married men @ BEs because they have been sent off and have no business sending another bachelor off.
What do you reckon?

Sunday, 3 June 2007

For The Love of Money

Has anyone read about a 4year old Nigerian child that was beheaded for money-making by ritualists. Here's a link from Nigeria Politricks' blog : Nigeria Politricks

How callous!
These Nigerian Herbalists are so ignorant.
In my family, we reckon that the White Man's witchcraft produced world class technology: Cars, Phones, Aeroplanes, Computers, Televisions, Cameras, Refrigerators etc but in Africa or maybe in Nigeria, people would actually kill fellow human beings, children to get rich instead of learning about the power to create wealth.
This story touched me.
How can anybody decide to end a child's life based on the promise of a herbalist?
Who are these herbalists that even promise wealth?
I mean what do they have?
If you have the power to create wealth, won't you make yourself a millionaire first?
I hope these people rot in jail, a death sentence would be too lenient.
I hope they spend the rest of their lives in gross pain and torment and praying to die.
My heart goes out to the parents of this child.
One minute she's there and the next minute, she's gone, just like that!

Saturday, 2 June 2007

Result of My Test

Well, I was all smiles as I walked into the clinic.
The lady at reception welcomed me with a bright smile and said she had seen the result of my test.
She asked me to take a seat while she got my file out.
Well, she handed me the file and said: That's the result. Do you want to take it or should we keep it?
I stared at the sheet of paper angrily.
Yeah, Pregnancy Test = NEGATIVE.
I was sooo sure I was preggers and I wanted it to be a weekend treat for my hubby.
Without knowing it, I was crying.
The lady led me quietly into a ward and tried to pacify me but I was inconsolable as I wept my heart out because I am getting worried!!!!
She went to get the doctor who asked if I was under any pressure to get pregnant. I said No. Doctor: How long have you been married
Me: About 5months
Doctor: Are you anxious about anything?
Me: No
Doctor: You have to relax. Anxiety tends to cause infertility issues. Are you on any medication?
Me: Folic Acid
Doctor: Do you ovulate?
Me: I guess so cos I menstruate every frigging month

I cried till my eyes were red and sore but the doctor finally pacified me and asked if hubby and I wanted to book an appointment to get tested. I said I didn't know and I'll discuss it with my hubby first. I was in that ward for an hour or so before I got my calm and left.
I got into the car and the song playing on the radio was: Brandy's 'Have You Ever'.
I had to stop the car and park close to a curve where I wept again.
Sometimes you want something so bad & it hurts when it just doesn't happen pronto.
As you can imagine, I am very angry and disappointed and I am chilling some red wine right now cos I'm just gonna get drunk.

Friday, 1 June 2007

Feeling Pregnant

My hubby returned from work quite early yesterday.
He had a fever and a nasty headache.
His colleagues said it was malaria AND prescribed Fansidar and Paracetamol.
I said it might just be fatigue but hubby took the medication anyway.
Talk about Nigerians, self medication and drug abuse.
I must confess I've been feeling pregnant this last few days so I secretly took a 'Pregnancy Test' at the clinic yesterday.
Might I mention I have a phobia for needles and I screamed the whole palce down before the needle even poked me.
My symptoms are:
Frequent Urination
Very Hard Tummy
Full & Heavy Boobs
Well, I've not missed my period yet and no morning sickness or puking either but I really feel pregnant.
You lot can laugh if you dare but I'm on my way out & I'll let you know.
I am keeping my fingers crossed, I wanna have me babies!!!!

Hubby still went off to work and only downed a cup of coffee, that guy works too hard.
The joys of working in the UK, all you had to do was call in sick.