My Darkest Secrets...contd

Today's not been a good day.
I ran into a truck while shooting daggers at its driver for rough driving.
Now I have to spend a fortune to get my car fixed plus I bruised my arm, maybe broke my wedding ring finger and pinkie and I lost my glasses.
Yeah! Just my day



Well, I was lucky to be born with a silver spoon but then my dad's fortune turned from high-income to low-income and settled on medium income but my mum started trading and sort of boosted everything up. She promised we'll never suffer as long as she lived and did she try. So you see, I never had a reason to have a boyfee to get by as I usually had things in abundance as a student, a few hard times but nothing drastic.

You can understand why I didn't have a money motive to date an old man,, middle-aged more like. Anyways, I told a couple of friends about my escapade and they kept going on about how I was missing a golden opportunity to make big money as all I had to do was play smart. I told them I wasn't streetwise and I couldn't risk it and I would rather seek opportunities elsewhere. Meanwhile, the crazy man kept calling my phones but I ignored his calls. One day, while resting in my bedroom,my phone rang and an unfamiliar voice accused
He: Are you a Christian?
Me: Who are you?
He: Answer me, are you a Christian
Me: What bizness of yours is it if I am
He: Well, it's my bizness because I hurt you and you've not given me the opportunity to apologise
Me: What? Who are you?
He: Will you forgive me no matter what I've done
Me: (quiet)
He: Remember you are a Christian
Me: Yes, I'll forgive you
He: It's me, OO
Me: Good-Afternoon Sir
He: I'm really sorry, I don't know what came over me the other day, I couldn't hold back or control myself. You are very sexy
Me: Please don't say such to me again
He: I'm very sorry, can you drop by at my office today so we can talk about your project?
Me: No, don't worry
He: Look, do you want me to promise I wont make any advances
Me: ....Yyyyes
He: i promise


So, very foolishly, I went with my project to his office and I was ushered in though people were waiting to see him. I felt slightly important. We greeted and he tried to hug me but I dodged it. He offered me some snacks and drinks and excused himself to pick a call. Alas, the bastard returned naked and I screamed
He: (begging) Please, just a blow-job
Me: No, I don't know how to do it
He: You just suck (he grabs me, strokes his big penis and shrinking, sagging testis)
Me: I cant do it, I've never done it before
He: Okay please let me suck you
Somehow he got my panties off and was sucking me. I guess that was my mistake. I had never been sucked and I didn't know how it felt..it was inexcusable. Before I knew what was happening,he was inside me. I've never told anyone about this and this is just my way of releasing the guilt. I wasn't an unwilling participant but I didn't protest and somehow, I enjoyed it. It was the first time I experienced a climax. He was the second man I slept with in my life.
I cried on my way home because I was so disgusted at myself and totally ashamed of myself.

His call came again,and as if on a blindfold, I went to meet him on a couple more times and committed the dastardly act. I guess he knew more about pleasuring a woman as he was so old and adulterous. I was in church one day and when people spoke to me, I felt like I had the words WHORE!!! ADULTERESS!!! stamped on my forehead. Infact when a minister stopped me to speak with me, I felt like he could see right through me. As a result, I fled from church, my guilt had encompassed me and separated me from my first love. Everyone in church was concerned about me but I couldn't face them.

Eventually, I forgave myself and returned to the house of GOD.I can blame OO and call him all sorts of names but I'm the bigger culprit because I let go of my principles and self respect. I hope GOD forgives me and that his wife forgives me too, it was hard enough to forgive myself.

I ran into OO again at the airport when I was returning to the States. He had this monkey grin as he grabbed my hand in full view of everyone, my fiancee and siblings included. I snatched my hand and gave him an evil eye. He asked me how I was faring and I don't even remember replying. A friend came up to me and went 'Did that just happen? Did I see or imagine OO grab your hand and you snatched your hand and gave him the look?' In reply, I gave her the look as well and said 'Don't even go there'


On a final note,I know many people would condemn me and I wont blame you all. The reason I put this on is because I read somebody's blog and she was being condemned for having a baby for a married man. I condemned her as well and then I remembered the filth in my past. I understood I had no right to judge her because sin is sin. The fact that she had a child did not mean hers was a greater sin. You see, like me, she had moved on but the world would not have that and would rather stone her to death. The guy was even Muslim meaning he could have married her but I guess she realised what she was doing and decided to stop rocking someone else's boat. The thing is, I know what I did was sinful, inexcusable filth and I suffered for it and sank in guilt for so long but I stopped, forgave myself, repented and had GOD forgiving me. Remember the story about the prostitute(I'm not one(lol)). She would have been stoned by people who were even more unclean if not for the intervention of JESUS.
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Once bitten, Twice Shy? You wish.....Later