What An Interview!!

My driver arrived 20minutes later than arranged.
I had waited an extra ten minutes for him before setting out.
As I drove out of the estate to link the express road, I heard his annoying voice
'Mummy wait!!!! Wait!!!!!
I thought: 'Grrrrh!! How many times must I tell this irritant to call me Mrs O. He's at least 10years older than me, if not more.
He got off the okada and spent time haggling over his fare before joining me in the car.
Driver: Mummy, na N1000 I pay LASTMA for junction now because I dey rush come house
Me: Mr P, when next you are late, I expect you to apologise first for your lateness before cooking up stories.
Driver: Mummy, sorry but I swear....
Me: Please keep quiet. I need to concentrate
Driver: (laughs) Daddy say them jam you again......abi na you jam dem, I no remember.
Grrrhhh!!!
Anyways, we were stuck in traffic for longer than I dare to remember.
Fifteen minutes to my interview, I was stuck on Ajose Adeogun and the Company's contact number was just unavailable so I couldn't call to say I was running late.
Of course I had to blame someone, Mr P.
Me: 'Mr P, can you see what you have caused, can you? See what you have caused' You cannot keep to time and I will have to tell my husband.
Driver: 'Ehhhh, mummuy sorry. Sorry ma. Maybe you can take okada.
I thought: This guy is insane! Okada!!? Do I really need this job? Should I just bust it and head back home? Okada?
Me: 'Mr P, get me an okada'......Phew! Yes, I actually said it. I'm bored stiff of staying at home and this was most likely my final interview with this company.
Driver: 'Mummy, one dey for our back. Okadaaa!!! Okadaaa!!!'
I got out of my car and jumped on the 'okada'
The bike turned and twisted through traffic and I got to my destination just two minutes before the hour.
I must have held my breath for the duration of the ride but I gave the guy N500 and ran off.

I sat down at reception with about 6 others and I was trying to catch my breath and wipe the sweat off my face without cleaning off my make-up.
Five hours later, my bum was steaming AND still glued to the same seat.
No refreshments.
No apologies.
These people have no respect whatsoever!!!! ***Hiss!!! Hiss!!! Frigging Hiss!!!***
I was furious!
Why did I even bother with the okada *Hiss*
At about 6:15pm, I was called in to see the boss.

Boss: Hello, I am ABC, Assistant General Manager, Banking & Operations. I have been told you are motivated by money
Me: (stiff smile and handshake) Good-evening, Nice to meet you sir. I am Mrs O and Yes, I am motivated by money amongst other things.
Boss: So the reason I am meeting you today is to strike a balance, among other things. This is your last interview with us so I will advise you to give your answers some consideration because my decision will be based on the outcome of this interview. Is that fair enough for you?
Me: I believe so.
Boss: Good. Can you quickly run thru your work history.
I had done this at every interview they invited me for!! These people don't even bother to read your CV.
I started with my most recent employment and I gave a short summary of my duties and reasons for living.
Boss: I have never heard of these companies before. What's the staff strength of the last company you worked for and was it a one man company or did it have a board of directors?
Me: It has a board of Directors and a staff strength of tens of thousands. It also has international offices in......
Boss: Mmmmh? All those one room offices (laughs, I kept a straight-face. I didnt think that was funny) Any director whose name might ring a bell?
Me: I don't know, the directors are mainly Israeli and I worked in their UK office.
Boss: Ohhhh, you are the one that used to work in London!!!! I hate that London, I have only been there once. All their houses are the same and their rooms are like matchboxes? (laughs, hehehehehehe. I'm so furious!!!!!) Where is that your CV sef????
He locates my CV and says: Mrs O............., Mmmmmmh. When did you get married.
Me: (What the heck??!!!) I got married in January
Boss: Where does your husband work?
Me: (What the frigging heck???!!)
Boss: Ahhhhhh, so are you married to blablabla ( Hubby's full name, including middle name)
Me: Yes
Boss: Your husband is in trouble. I know your husband very well. We used to hang out together @......You mean he got married without telling me....Ahhhhh, he's in trouble.
I am obviously confused and thinking, I hope hubby had a good relationship with this monstrous man. He started asking me when we got married, where we live, honeymoon etc.
Finally, he picked his phone and put it on speaker. Hubby's number is even stored on his phone: Boss: I am calling your husband now. He's in big trouble oh
Me: I am sorry to hear that. I...
Boss: Ssshhhhhh. (Hubby's phone is ringing and hubby picks)
Hubby: Hello
Boss: Hello. This is ABC. How are you doing? Long time no see.
Silence
Boss: Oh, have you forgotten me already? Remember, we used to hang out together at blabla but I don't see you there anymore. Hello?
Silence.
By now, I'm peeing in my pants (well, almost) and thinking: What the f***!!!! (Spare my bad language)
Boss: Oh, the line has disconnected. I'm going to call him back.
Ring, ring (X10)
Finally, hubby picked: Hello
Boss: Hello, this is ABC
Hubby: I know. Good afternoon and long time sir.
Boss: Long time indeed. How are you doing?
Hubby? Great!!! And you??
Boss: Good, good! I have a problem though. I just found out that you got married and I didn't get an invitation. You also moved to Lekki, without telling me. And your wifey needed a job but it was too much to call me. My friend you are in big trouble because your wife is sitting before me now and I am going to do as I please since we are no longer friends.
Hubby: (laughing so loudly) Ahhh, please don't do that. Please don't take it out on my wife. I am really sorry.
Boss: But why have you behaved like this, ehn?
By now, I am smiling like an idiot . I relaxed and sat back as he gisted with hubby for like four minutes, catching up.
Eventually, he hung up.
Boss: The interview is over. Tell your hubby to keep in touch
Me: (Nodding like an agama lizard)
Boss: Are you happy?
Me: I am actually speechless
Boss: Ok, let me give you time to recover. Your hubby's a very nice man. He's younger but he's a remarkable chap!! How much was your last salary in the UK?
Me: Actually, I am not asking or as much because, I have considered the econom.....
Boss: No, don't worry, how much
Me: .......... ( u nosy peeps....lol)
Boss: how much in Naira
Me: I have never converted it
Boss: That's about .......million. How much are you asking for?
Me: ......
Boss: That's several millions less. I think u should add a N1.5million to that. When will you be available to start?
Me: Immediately
Boss: I think the earliest start date is August but i'll see what I can do. Are you mobile?
Me: Geographically?
Boss: Oyinbo pooo (Too much English)
Me: Sorry....
Boss: Feel free with me. I LOVE your husband, he's a great guy. Just be free with me. Be yourself!!!
Me: Okay!
Boss: When I said are you mobile, I meant do you have a car?
Me: oh yes, I drive a Nissan Altima
Boss: Mmmmh? What model?
Me: I think it's the one before the latest. Big bum one
Boss: So why didn't your husband relocate, why you?
Me: He prefers it here, or so he says
Boss: Me too. There's money in this country and we don't get slammed with tax...
Me: But there's also a lot of lawlessness
Boss: But you live in an elite area. My wife and I have not been to Lagos Mainland in two years. We do all of our business on the Island
Me: I reckon it's not too bad on the Island, it's more elitist.
Boss: Exactly! U must take care of your husband oh. He's a really good person.
Me: (smile) I know
Silence
Boss: Have u caught your breath?
Me: Sure....
Boss: Don't tell ANYBODY anything, alright?
Me: Yessir! What of my hubby??!
Boss: He knows.
Me: Thank you soooooo much sir
Boss: Take care and congrats
Me: Thank u sooooo much

I was all smiles as I left his office and I was putting on my phone to call hubby.
Someone ran after me, he was one of the guys waiting to be interviewed.
Him: Excuse me. So what did he ask you?
Me: (Gobsmacked) Dunno? It was a .......casual...sort of interview......
I ran off before he could ask me anything else.

I rang hubby as soon as I got out of the building.
Me: You!!!!
Hubby: HAHHAHAHHAH (Laughing)
Me: Why did I even bother with all those interviews?
Hubby: Babes, I'm proud of you. You earned this job yourself! You should be proud of yourself.
Me: How?
Hubby: U went through the normal interview process, no favours. i am extremely proud of you.
Me: Awwwww! But did you know I was going to meet him?
Hubby: I swear I didnt even remember he was there but even if I had known, I would have preferred you to go thru the same way. We're gonna celebrate tonight
Me: Yeahman!! I am sooo happy. Farewell to days of being a house-wife
Hubby: Oh shut up!!!

Now, don't say I told u anything!!