Identity Swap......Please!

I got a very upsetting call last night from a cousin in the UK.
Here goes:


Cousin: Hello. Long time. Congrats on your wedding oh & sorry we couldn’t make it.
Me: Oh thanks. How are you doing too.
Cousin: (sighs) Honestly, not too good oh.
Me: Awwwwww! Do you wanna talk about it?
Cousin: Well…….that’s why I am calling you. I have thought about it and I think you are my only hope.
Me: Okay?

Cousin: Things haven’t been going well and I am at that point where I am totally fed up. I have been renewing my student visa for the past four and a half years and using all of my savings to study. My application for a visa renewal has just been rejected and I have been given till July to leave the country.
Me: Don’t be discouraged, no knowledge gained is wasted (I know I heard that somewhere). I am sure you'll be a hot cake in Nigeria with all your qualifications.
Cousin: So they say, but you've been back home five months and you are not even working yet.
Me: I'm hoping to start work in August. Honestly, I only applied to two companies and I have attended several interviews with both.
Cousin: But you know Nigeria.

Me: Nigeria has changed a lot. I assure you, there's been a lot of changes.
Cousin: See, you had good jobs while you were here because you are a citizen but I've been working mainly in retail since I came here.
Silence
Me: So how can I help?

Cousin: Please, I am begging you. Please. I am desperate. If I leave this country now, I won't have anything to show when I get home.
Me: Okay, how can I help? (I'm thinking she most likely wants to borrow some money and hoping she won't ask for too much)
Cousin: Can you send me your Passport & NI. I'll just register with a few job agencies and send it back.......just for one year. I promise, just a year.

Silence
Wow! Wow! Wow! That was completely unexpected and I am dumbfounded.
Cousin: Hello? Hello?
Me: ...I....am ......here
Cousin: Copido please, I am begging you, please
Me: But that's...........fraudulent, you know what I mean?
Cousin: Please, the only alternative now is to go into an arranged marriage
Me: I don't think I can do it, honestly I can't. Anything can happen.
Cousin: I swear, nothing will happen. I can even be paying you part of my monthly salary.
Me: It's not about money. It's my identity, my life!
Cousin: Copido please now, please. People do it
Me: I am sorry, I can't do it.
Cousin: Copido Why? You don't need this thing, you don't need it.
Me: Are you saying I don't need my identity? If you are impersonating me and you get into police trouble, I am the one that would be implicated. With my passport, you can open a bank account, have access to a loan and other credit services and you can ruin my credit history or bankrupt me. I think you should come home. Nigeria needs......
Bang! She slammed the phone.
Her sister and her mum have since called me to 'beg me' to loan her my identity for just one year.
This silly gal, I told her to venture out of retail but all she ever did was work in clothes and cosmetics shops so she could get staff discounts.


I don't think she understands the implication of she's asking?
Or maybe she thinks I'm a dumbass and wants to do some identity fraud.
Peeps, what do you reckon?
I am not giving this any second thoughts.
And I don't care if they never talk to me again.
*Hiss*
End of!!!!