Tuesday 22 May 2007

Snakes in The House

My cousin called yesterday to warn us to keep our doors and windows shut.
She said two people in her church found snakes in their houses.
One family found a big, long snake in their kitchen.
The second family found a snake crawling under their bed when they wanted to retire to bed at night.
***Shriek!!!!! Goosebumps!!!!! Shriek!!!!!****
I can't stand snakes!
I hate anything that creeps or crawls.
Since I heard this yesterday, I have been jumping at every unexpected sound.
My estate is fully developed but there are some undeveloped lands every here and there in surrounding areas.

I remember back in them days, when I was in boarding school.
One day, I was told to push a dustbin and as I pushed, a large, empty tin of Milo (A Nigerian beverage) rolled out.
I tried to use a stick to maneuver the tin but it was really heavy so I kicked it!
I saw some water spilling out of the tin and something brown.
In my head, I thought: Disgusting, someone excreted in an empty thing! Yuck!
Well, the so-called brown stuff, turned out to be a long brown snake.
It came out of the tin slowly and formed a big coil before my unbelieving eyes.
I stayed rooted to the spot in shock; shaking and afraid to run because I could not bring myself to turn my back on it.
What if it attacked me from the back?
I somehow summoned up enough courage to scream/shriek: 'He-eeeee-lll-ppppppp! Ssssss-nnnnn-aaaaaaaaaaa-kkkkkkkkkk-eee!'
It was an unholy cry!
My eyes were practically popping out of their sockets but I was frozen at the same spot.
People appeared from nowhere and started throwing sticks and stones.
Next thing I saw, the snake was in the air flying!!!!
People started running and screaming!!!!
Peeps, noone had ever told me snakes could fly.
That was the last thing I saw, because.........can you guess?
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The snake did not bite me!!
I fainted!!!
I woke up in the school ambulance much later.
My body was wet, I was told people had poured water on my face to revive me but I was far gone.
So they had concluded I had been bitten by the snake and the ambulance was rushing me to the general hospital.
I was wheeled into the emergency room with the dead snake in a nylon bag(creeps)
By then, I was able to confirm that up till the time the snake flew, it hadn't bitten me.
Well, I got to have a ride out of school in the ambulance, with the siren blaring.
My parents were contacted and they met us at the hospital.
Of course, I was discharged that day but my parents insisted on taking me to the family doctor.
I was dressed in my torn and soiled nightie but I was sooooo happy to escape the confines of boarding school for a few days.
By the time I returned to school, rumours had gone round the school that I had died.
Well, as a result of this, my morning duty for the remainder of junior school was window-cleaning.


Back to the present, our guest-bathroom has a drain-pipe that opens into a small gutter that runs inside the compound and flows into a bigger gutter outside the compound.
I am sure this pipe will be very attractive to any $nake looking for shelter.
Hubby has agreed to call a plumber to cover the hole with a strainer? before I completely lose it.
I reckon I'll totally freak out if I found a snake lurking anywhere in my house.
Of course I had a bad dream about snakes when I slept.
I just remember it was a scary dream and the snakes didn't hurt me but I was terrified.
I woke up in cold sweat and hubby hugged me reassuringly.
He was too sleepy to hear the details of my dream so I slept back anyway, with the lights on.
A snake in the bedroom???? Uuuuuuggggghhhhh!!

6 comments:

? said...

Copido you want to kill somebody with laughter? This is so hilarious. You will not believe that in the midst of reading this, I actually had to get up and shut my door, and kept looking on the floor in my office, as though something would fly at me in the manner you described.

I am no wimp but you have such a powerful way of describing that I think you should write a book.

Me myself have had quite a few experiences with snakes, some near misses. Thank God. Most of these were in secondary school. I attended Navy School in naija and I loved it until this particular evening. You see I was staying with one of the house mistresses. As I was saying, on this particular evening, we were sat in front of the TV and suddenly we noticed something behind the drapes moving (before u continue reading this, please take a look at your drapes, are you sure you are safe?). Ok, to cut the story short, as I do not want anything to jump out at you whilst you have your eyes on the screen, the girls began to scream until the naval officers next door came to help. One of them actually flicked the drapes with a big stick and guess what? It was a very huge snake, never seen anything like it. Trust the naval officers who came to our rescue, they killed, cooked and ate it. In the end we also discovered it was expectant with loads of eggs.

This is excellent. Thanks for making me laugh out loud.

Copido said...

@ Pseudo-Independent:
Please why are you adding to my paranoia? I've actually drawn my drapes back now and yes I did find something moving....a wall gecko! Thankfully, I only scremed and jumped and landed on the sofa. I grabbed my can of Baygon (insecticide) and sprayed as much as I could on it but it's not dead.
Please don't scare me again oh.
I don't want to run away from home.
& thanks for your kind comments. I actually have two unfininshed books, I'll gist you about that someday

princesa said...

lmao! Copido girl, u funny o! Ok sorry am not laughing at ur morbid fear for snakes cos am also a coward when it comes to anything that crawls or flies but the story about ur snake attack in school really sent me rolling.
No worry, none will come into ur house ok!

Copido said...

@ Princess:
lol

Unknown said...

Congratulations Girl! So your days as a full time domestic engineer are numbered. LOL!!

Tyger said...

you are one of the most imaginative writers on blogville...

you barred visits to your blog for a while... i'm glad you have lifted that...

a snake under the bed is like my biggest scariest nightmare! i hate crawlies... to the core....

if i found a snake under my bed, i would move out of that house, find a house that has 12 floors and live on the 12th floor going forward!

hate snakes with a passion! pshew